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Monday, December 14, 2009

Hooker Dolls

My mother in law, Pat the Bunny, has two collections on display in her home. Unfortunately for any sense of aesthetics, they are intermingled into one china cabinet.
Have a look-see:


First there are the tacky salt and pepper shakers. And I'm not being rude, that's what the collection is. She looks specifically for tacky salt and pepper shakers.

These are my favorite. If you can't read it, click on the picture to make it bigger.

 
You have no idea this woman's affinity for table salt. She salts things that were never meant to be salted. She salts things that are already salty. She may even salt salt and eat it with a spoon, but I cannot verify that.

And then, there are the hooker dolls. Now realize that for a doll collecter, these are perfectly good Madame Alexander dolls that even have some value. But I promise you, the very first time I came here and said something about the dolls, I was dutifully informed that they weren't just any dolls-- they were hooker dolls.



A little back story is necessary here. Apparantly, when Josh's sister Jessica was young, there was a big to-do about a local girl who was on trial as an accessory to murder. She had turned to a life on the streets and it was her pimp that coerced her into driving the getaway car. (Or something like that. You realize after living with PTB that details aren't all that important, and truth can be weaved in and out of any story. Like, "I only got the kids a couple of things for Christmas." Yes, a couple of things, each, for every hour of Christmas Day.)

Anyway, it came out at the trial that this girl had desperately wanted to get away from her pimp, but didn't have the money to run. Upon hearing this, Pat the Bunny immediately ran out and started a doll collection.

Do those last two sentences make anyone else laugh out loud? Just read them one more time. It's so bizarre, so... ridiculous.
To make this make sense, I am going to use bullet format. These are the factors that would lead to the dolls being helpful in this type of situation:

  • Jessica would run away and turn to a life of prostitution
  • PTB would be dead (think salt poisoning)
  • Jessie would want to escape the red light district but could not afford to run (apparently not that good at her work)
  • Her saving grace would be to pawn off the 6 Madame Alexander dolls and hop on the next bus to freedom.


PTB informed me that since Jessie got married this past August, the dolls no longer watch over her, waiting for her to slip down to the red light district. No, now they wait for this one:


4 comments:

Nicole said...

You've really outdone yourself this time. That post is full of randomness and lots of giggles. Part of that I think is b/c I read it along w/ your train wreck story about your 7-8th grade fashions...where we can all relate.

Erin said...

If they are being saved for Alex, are you going to start donating to the collection ;)

Very funny.

Jen McD said...

Now that's funny. I get the line of thinking, kinda. AND her son should pick up a whole SLEW of tacky salt and pepper shakers while he's here. I've seen some doozies!!

Alex is a lucky girl. A perfect insurance policy for her life out of prostitution.

Rachel said...

Perfectly logical. Because every prostitute keeps a collection of dolls, "just in case." My sister-in-law also has a fairly hefty collection of those things in her guest room and they creep me out. Maybe they are her escape policy as well. Apparently, they work at warding off pimps.