Wednesday, March 30, 2011


It's that time again! Go visit Joyce to see other folks' answers to today's Wednesday Hodgepodge.

1. April rolls in at the end of this week and in celebration of that infamous date (April 1st) answer this question-What is something foolish you've done? 

Well, typically I own up to all my foolishness as it occurs right here on the 'ole blog. 
 But there may be one item of foolishness that I've never mentioned before.

It involves nudity and the public at large.

I think that's enough detail, don't you?

2. With April comes Easter and that classic edible treat known as Peeps...so tell me...what's your favorite way to fix/eat chicken? That wasn't what you were expecting, was it? I 'fooled' you. teehee.

This inspires me to try a Peep-laden chicken dish. What could go wrong with that?

My favorite way to eat chicken is for someone else to have fixed it.
But sometimes that plan backfires.
 Like when no one else shows up to cook my chicken.

This happened the other day so I was forced to do it myself. I made bbq chicken fajitas and they turned out okay.

(Okay is really the best I can hope for.)

Just cut up the chicken, soak in in bbq sauce (I believe the fancy cooking-types call this marinating), and then cook it up with a bag of frozen bell pepper blend and lots of mushrooms. Serve on tortillas topped with cheddar.

Easy breezy.
And just okay. 

3. What's the best museum you've ever visited? Or your favorite? Or the one you'd most like to visit?

I grew up near DC, and had many opportunities to visit the Mall and the museums in the nation's capitol. I didn't appreciate it all that much as a child, but Josh and I made a trip back to DC early in our marriage.

I thought the Holocaust Museum was captivating and incredibly touching.
And very, very sad.
I think it's my favorite.

4. You know what they say about April showers...what's your preference-a shower or a bath?

Every once in a while I love a good soak in a big, deep tub. But for the most part, I'm a shower girl.
And I like it HOT, and with lots of water pressure, please.

This was a problem when we first moved into this rental house. The water pressure was terrible.
Eventually I got used to it.
Then winter came, and it was impossible to stay warm enough while in the shower. Since I constantly had goosebumps, it made shaving my legs difficult.
Faced with the prospect of being married to a bear all winter long, my dear husband got us a new shower head.
It's slightly better now.

5. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"...fact or fiction? Why?

Or is it, out of sight, out of mind?

Nope. Definitely that first one.

My favorite military-life moments are the sweet homecomings when my husband has returned after months of being away.

When you say goodbye to your hubby for long periods of time, you really find out how much they mean to you.

And how the trash doesn't take itself out.

6. What's your favorite product made/grown in your home state/province?

For this question, I will claim Michigan as my home state.
Because I can.

My favorite product grown there is the delicious, juicy blueberry.
I eat them by the pound. Once I finished off a 10lb box in 2 days.

If I wanted get personal, I would tell you that it made my poop black. But I would never say something so offensive. I like to keep it clean around these parts.

7. What is going on in the world today that affects you the most?
The crash of the housing market is having a very personal impact.
Also I'm beginning to use the cost of gas as a reason to indulge my hermit-like tendencies.

The war in the Middle East will be having a huge impact on our family later in the year.

But most importantly, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.

If you were buried under a rock in 2007 and that last answer confused you, click here.

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I bought these shoes from Target a week or two ago.
I've worn them three times.

As in one, two, three.

And this is what the soles look like.

Do you think they'll take them back?

And stop laughing at me because I wear size 9.
I can hear you from here.

I'm big boned, okay?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Body Movin'

Saturday was the second (and last) parent watch day of the dance year. If you remember, the last one did not go so well. Alex pretty much refused to do anything other than pout and whine.
Turns out that she was sick, and her stage mother was forcing her to dance anyway.


So we kept the expectations low for this time around, and thankfully it went much better.
She actually showed signs of enjoying herself, and get this-- she danced!

The giggling you here in this clip belongs to my husband.
(Really, it's him.)
He finds Alex's dance moves amusing. I don't know why, I mean she's a total natural. We're counting on her to help us retire.

Alex is pretty much her daddy's mini-me. She really only inherited one thing from me, and that would be her backside. She's got a bit of a rump.
The title of this clip is: Shake what yo momma gave ya!

This one is...a little disturbing.
If we ever show up to dance class and find that they've installed a pole, I'm pulling her.
It's not the booty shaking either-- it's whatever you call the next move.

This one is funny only because her neck didn't actually break during that last somersault.

The recital is coming up at the end of May. This is my first go-round with the dance world, so I made sure to read the handbook.

Did you know that the recital will last almost 3 hours?
And that Alex's part in the recital will last about 3 minutes?
And that the costume was $70?
And it is 35 minutes away from here?
And we have to go the night before as well for a dress rehearsal?

Today I found out that parents are supposed to bring flowers for their little girls for after the show.

What a waste of time and money wonderful opportunity for my daughter!

But I think she should be bringing me flowers.

Thursday, March 24, 2011


It's Thursday already.

I promise that I meant to do better at posting this week, but I should probably just come to the realization that it's not getting better any time soon.
Life is busy, but in a good way.

Warmer weather means we're getting outside more, meeting friends for walks around the neighborhood, and making attempts at planting a few things in the garden.

Oh, and if you're wondering if I survived the fast, well, I suppose the answer is obvious.
I knew there was a reason I keep that extra layer of adipose tissue around my midsection.
For such a time as this.
The medical examiner, who in fact was a phlebotomist, called about 15 minutes before she was supposed to arrive informing me that she would be about 20 minutes late.

No problem, I said. I'm being sustained on water and toothpaste. Take your time.

I guess I'm being a bit dramatic over not being able to eat until noon. But in my defense, I did have to get up at 6:45.
And did I mention I'm a hungry person?
I am.

I finally got back to the gym a few times this week after the migrating cold took me out of commission for a bit. I took a class on Wednesday that rendered me barely able to walk.
My gluteus maximus is wee bit tender.
I have to complain about it to you here in blog-land, because if I mention it to my husband he will assume that it's an invitation to give me a butt massage.

And he will probably have an ulterior motive.

Also adding to my weekly agenda was a spouse's coffee on Tuesday night.
This involves the wives* from the squadron, good food, chit-chat, a little bit of squadron business, and almost never any actual coffee.

*Male spouses are invited too. Only they'd probably rather kill themselves than attend.

Coffees are a military tradition that are especially important in the fighter community. Our husbands have a demanding job, work long hours, and leave together for long periods of time. So the other women in the squadron become like family-- we drive each other to the airport, we watch dogs, we keep children, we share meals.

And when we hear about one of our jets going down, even if it's from another squadron, we all experience that same stomach-dropping feeling.
So thankful that the crew of the F-15E was safely recovered in Libya earlier this week!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Monday Update

What's new with me?
Allow me to bore you with the details:

-- Taxes and yard-work dominated our weekend, and by our I mostly mean Josh's. Note: having a huge pine tree in your yard is like losing the tree lottery. The good news is that we should get enough of a tax refund to hire someone else to do the yard work. What do you think, honey?

-- New guidelines were released today for child safety restraints. They now recommend that children be left in a rear-facing seat until they are old enough to vote.
At that point, they can move to a booster seat.
If I were a minivan designer, I would start installing the built-in DVD players in the very back of the van now.

--I have a medical screening for a life insurance company tomorrow.

(I think my husband has plans to have me killed. I've been making him deal with all of the phone calls about our Idaho house. I don't like phone calls. I think it's starting to get to him.)

--The company tried to make it sound oh-so-convenient with an appointment right at my house.
Then as I was getting off the phone, they threw all of the not-so-convenient stuff at me. Like, the mandatory 8-12 hour fast.
And that I can't work out in the morning.

Well, dang.
I was really going to hit the gym hard, too.

Okay, maybe not hard. But I was going to hit it.


--This traveling nurse/doctor/whoever better come with her needle ready, because I plan to provide a specimen and then start eating while she conducts whatever interviewing need be done.
I am generally a very hungry person.

Do you think it will hurt my insurability if she sees me eat steak & eggs, with a side of bacon? And biscuits and gravy?
With lots of butter?

Maybe I should play it safe with a grapefruit. After all, I'm the only adult in the house with half a chance of being insured.
My husband, while the picture of health, does not qualify for this policy.

I'm really starting to think his job isn't as safe as he tells me it is.

--Amelia the bulldog has not lost her appeal with the kids, who take turns feeding her and filling her water bowl. My kitchen floor has never been crumb-free for this long. However her jowls are currently resting on my foot, and I'm feeling the need to change my socks now.

--After school, Alex requested and received new nail polish on her fingers and toes.

Which makes her more stylish than her mother, who is still sporting an awful pink color that I threw on in haste the day I left for my cruise.
I do believe it's past time to correct that.

--Derek had just woken up from his nap, and was grumpy and under-dressed for the occasion.

-- He eventually came around and decided dancing in his undies in the driveway was a good way to pass the time.

Not having tried that recently, I cannot confirm or deny if it is, indeed, a good way to pass the time.

--It's currently 6:32pm, and you know what that means:
It means that there are 28 minutes left until I'm closing the doors on a couple of kids.
I do love an early bedtime.

--I should probably get in bed early tonight too. Then I can set my alarm for 2:45am and squeeze in a quick snack before my 8 hours of fasting begins.


--Sort of.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

This, that, and the other.

1) We're currently dog-sitting for our friends. The kids love it, and I don't have to vacuum in the kitchen anymore.
As an added bonus, Amelia the Bulldog just lays around and sleeps all day.

Except for anytime I walk into the kitchen. Then her snoring ceases and she clippity-clops her way into the kitchen in a hurry.
And then she looks at me. And I look at her.
And then I feel bad.
Because it seems that dogs are always hungry, and I can totally relate.

But for her own good, she only gets to eat twice a day.

If you told me that someone was going to ration out a couple of measly cups of kibble to me twice a day, I'd probably decide life wasn't worth living anymore.

So it's a good thing I'm not a dog, I guess.

2) I love my son.
I suppose this is not news.
But he is the sweetest little guy on the face of the planet and I just thought I'd mention that, in case you'd forgotten.

I try to keep it real around here-- I don't pretend to have a great figure, a clean house, or that I know what I'm making for dinner any given night. Really my only claim to fame is a hot husband and an uncanny ability to destroy pancakes.
My kids can be sassy, whiny, and well, sometimes just plain disgusting.

Remind me sometime in the future to tell you about the Gingerbread House Incident of 2010.

As you might imagine, the incident took place around Christmastime. And yet I fear it is too soon to talk about it.
I haven't had time to heal emotionally.
Or gastronomically.

But I'm being totally honest when I say that Derek has had the sweetest disposition for the last week or so. He's been so patient and loving. He delights in the smallest of things. He is quite possibly the best 3-year-old shopping partner in the world.
And I'm so, so happy that he's mine.

He is not permitted to grow up or to ever replace me as the most important woman in his life.

And now that I've said that out loud, I'm certain the excessive whiny-ness of last week will be back with a vengeance.

(But I'll still be happy that he's mine.)

3) The newness of Ye Olde Grapefruit Spoon has yet to wear off. And I'm puttin' those puppies away like you wouldn't believe.

4) When I was putting Alex to bed the other night, we had this conversation:
Alex: Mom when I get married, what if my husband doesn't want to come live with us?
Me: Well when you're married, you will live in your own house with your husband.
Alex: But I don't want to leave you and Daddy.
Me: Well how about you get a house right next door to us and you can come visit anytime.
Alex: But what if my husband has to go to work every day like Daddy does and I miss him while I'm at high school?

I think she's missing a few links in the natural progression of events.

Oh, and she will not be getting married in high school.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

If it weren't for the Hodgepodge...

...this blog would be even lamer.

Have you noticed that I've been in a bit of a blogging slump lately? When every other post I write is the Wednesday Hodgepodge, you can safely assume that my frequency is lacking.
I'm not sure what to blame it on, but I will find someone or something and get back to you.

Certainly it is not my fault!

On to this week's Hodgepodge...

1. What would you do if you found a pot of gold? Let's pretend that pot of gold is worth exactly $1500 (which would actually be more like a cup of gold at current values). Anyway, let's also pretend you have to spend it as opposed to making a donation somewhere. Now, tell me what you would do with that cup pot of gold?

For a while I was thinking about getting a new lens for my camera, so that would be one possibility.
But since we are Disney World fans, I tend to compare every large purchase to a trip to Disney. So I could either have a camera lens for myself, or the whole family could go and have a fun vacation.

Hello, Mickey!

2. Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day in any way, shape, or form?

I'm a disappointment to my Irish name. For if I remember that it's St Patricks day, I will wear green. But that's pretty much where the celebrating ends. And even that is mostly because I find pinching to be unpleasant.
But I do love the color green.
And the book Scarlett, which is set mainly in Ireland.

Does that count?

3. Have you been bitten by the Spring Cleaning bug? What spring cleaning job most needs doing at your house? What spring cleaning job are you most dreading?

I think the bug was trying to make its way to me but it got stuck behind the laundry and couldn't see past all of the toys scattered across the floor.
Then its poor little legs got mired down in all the dust, and it shriveled up and died.

One benefit to moving at least every 3 years is that we get a chance to clear out quite a bit of excess stuff. Since we've been here for less than a year, spring cleaning will be a lighter task this year.

Or one that I never get around to at all.

(That's much more likely.)

4. lime-shamrock-sage-forest....your favorite shade of green?

I love so many shades of green-- it would depend on what it was for. Furniture & walls, I like a more muted sage or ivy.
Like this table from Pottery Barn that I would never buy because the price is ridiculous. 

Josh's squadron's color is a bright shamrock green. Or Chief's green, if you will. And I like that too.

5. Thomas Jefferson once said, "I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." So... do you believe in luck or do you believe we make our own luck?

I believe in hard work, and appreciating unexpected blessings. 

6. Monday (3/14) was Pi Day. Get it? 3/14 is Pi Day. Those math types are so clever, aren't they? Since I'm not one of them tell me what's your favorite piE (the edible kind)?

My husband is one of those math types. I remember looking at some of his textbooks in college and wondering how they could be math books when they didn't have any numbers in them. You know you're into some interesting math when the problems have more letters than numbers.
My brain doesn't work that way.

(This just in: he told me that class was Linear Algebra, where they pretend that we live in a world with varying numbers of dimensions, and then do algebra in those make-believe worlds.
He said it was the hardest class of his college career.
He got an A minus.)

Key Lime is my favorite edible pie.

7. That same date (3/14) was also the birth date of the late physicist, Albert Einstein. I bet he knew the value of pi. What do you think is more important and/or valuable in life...intelligence or common sense?

Intelligence is important. I mean, if there weren't intelligent people around, imagine how long it would have taken to shut off the BP oil leak in the Gulf!
Oh wait. Bad example.

Not everyone has been blessed with an intelligent mind, but if those people who weren't could aquire some common sense, that would be great.

Overall, I think Godly wisdom trumps them both.

1 Cor3:18-19
  Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become “fools” so that you may become wise.  For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.
 8. Insert your own random thought here...

My citrus-eating eyes have been opened to the Best Invention Ever (second only to the DVR. And elastic waistbands). I guess that would make it the third best invention.
Did you know that there is a spoon that makes it unnecessary to spend 10 minutes cutting up the individual segments of a grapefruit?

Of course you did. 
Everybody did. 
Except me. 

It's called a grapefruit spoon, and yesterday my friend gave me one.  (Holla, Amy!)
And then I ate two grapefruits in the time it used to take me to cut one up. 
I am a grapefruit eating machine now. 

If I only had the willpower to go on the grapefruit diet, think of how expeditious I could be.

Monday, March 14, 2011

I don't have a title. So there.

Is is Monday again?
No wonder my house is a mess. I haven't been motivated since last Monday.

Though yesterday's warm weather did get me going on some outside projects. The kids helped* me wash off the deck furniture and prepare the garden beds for planting. You know, for once I figure out exactly how to plant something.

*term used loosely

It was almost 80 degrees yesterday!
Alex & Derek ate lunch on the front steps.

Mostly because we have some seriously huge bees buzzing around the backyard. I mean, these things look like small birds. We've seen them crawling out of some openings in the deck railing, so we're going to get some spray and see if we*can encourage them to die.

*term also used loosely, or used interchangeably with Josh

 In other news, I've been fighting off a migrating cold.

Don't know what a migrating cold is? Well that's because I just made it up.
It refers to a cold in which the symptoms do not come all at once.

Last week, for instance, it began with a sore throat.
Other than my throat I felt just fine.
So if only my children understood sign language and did not force me to speak, we'd have been doing okay.

Sadly, they don't know sign language. Not even the basics. I know this because when I'm talking on the phone and I put my finger to my lips in the universally recognized sign for "Shhhhh" they just get louder. Or when I give them a steely-eyed-death-glare while pointing my finger toward the door, the have no idea that I'm asking them to GET THE HECK OUT OF THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW.
Nope. They think I mean, pull on my arm and keep telling me that you're hungry.

Now where was I?
Oh yes, my throat started to improve while fatigue picked up.
I was really dragging for a day or two.
Then I got my energy back, and along came some stuffiness.
Today the stuffiness is more like drippy-ness along with an annoying, yet mild cough.

At least it was mild, until it caught me off guard resulting in a sudden need to change my underwear.

Sorry, TMI?
I've had a couple of kids, and I'd had a lot to drink.

Don't even think about making me laugh at the same time as a cough.
Then I'd need to change my pants, too.

A laugh-cough-jumping jack combo could probably create a puddle.
But I choose not to test that theory.

I really have no idea where I was going with this blog post, so I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead.
Though to be honest, I probably should have stopped before I shared about wetting myself.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Goodbye.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Oldie but a Goodie

One of the things I love the most about having a blog is being able to go back and look at pictures and videos from the past several years.
Occasionally I will look back at the current month from the previous year. It's amazing how much the kids change in that time-frame.

And they aren't the only things that change.

In March of 2010, we were preparing for our next assignment to Quebec, with no idea that we would instead end up in North Carolina.
I can't say for sure if I'm now happy about that change or not, since I have no reference point for what it might be like to live in another country, surrounded by people who speak another language.

All I can say for sure is that at 8:45am on Thursday, March 10th of 2011, the current temperature here in North Carolina is 61 degrees. And in Bagotville, Quebec, it is 21 degrees and snowing.

But what's 40 degrees among friends?

Anyway, I was just clicking back through some of the posts from March of last year, and came across this one.

The post in which I buy a ridiculous amount of winter weather baby gifts.

I'll have you know that I still have about 90% of them shoved in a closet somewhere.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Hodge to the Podge

 It's Wednesday Hodgepodge time again!
Joyce writes the question, and everyone is invited to link up and answer them.

1. The season of Lent begins on March 9th this year...do you participate and if so, in what way?

I haven't given anything up for Lent in the past. The practice was never a part of the church denominations in which I grew up.
I can see that it could be a useful act to focus your mind and heart on the wonder of Easter. 
I also think that it could be done in a way that is not beneficial at all. For instance, "I'm going to give up carbs for lent, so I can look sexy on Easter Sunday in this new dress I just bought."
Bottom line, like true Christianity-- it's all about the heart. 
There are many wonderful traditions of the church, but I always like to make the point that Biblical salvation has nothing to do with any act that we may or may not do. Not baptism, not church attendance, not observing traditions. 
It has everything to do with what Jesus did for us on the cross, and requires only that we have faith. 
And that faith? It's a gift too. 

Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

Ahh, my cup runneth over. 

2. Traditionally pancakes are eaten on the day known as Shrove Tuesday which is the last day before Lent (March 8th this year). So....butter and syrup? Blueberry? Chocolate chip? ewww, no thanks!! What's your pleasure when it comes to eating pancakes?

My pancake pleasure is that someone else makes them for me. I'm fairly certain we've covered this topic on the 'ol blog, but I tend to burn and destroy pancakes with alarming regularity.

3. Spring is coming. (It is coming, right?) What's your favorite springtime flower and do you suffer from seasonal allergies? Two questions I know, but they're lightweights.

Spring is most definitely coming! Our ten day forecast calls for highs in the 60's almost every day.
If I were ever a contestant on Jeopardy (you know, if they were casting disheveled homemakers who recently remembered that they once had a brain) and the category was Botany, I would just take a seat and let Mr Trebek know that I was giving up.

I know nothing of plant life.
This should make my vegetable garden a very interesting undertaking, no?

Joyce, I like the purty ones.

Seasonal allergies? None for me.
But this guy?

For sure.
4. "Our opinion of people depends less upon what we see in them than upon what they make us see in ourselves." Author unknown. Agree or Disagree? Why?

My answer is C.

5. Since it's "March" and also the season of Mardi Gras....have you ever been in a parade? What's the best parade you've seen? 
 I've been in a few community parades during our last assignment in Idaho. They have a military appreciation day parade, and our squadron would walk in it and throw candy to the observers. 
I think my favorite parade is the one in the Magic Kingdom at Disney World. I haven't actually watched it myself, but I watched Alex watch it. Her reaction was enough to make it my favorite.

6. You would jump up and down and shout for joy right now if someone told you___________?
I'd look like a Mexican jumping bean if you told me that our house in Idaho had sold. 
Also, if I was told that chubby was back in style. 

7. How clean is your car on the outside? Inside? Is there junk in your trunk?

Joyce. You're killing me here. Are you trying to out me?
Fine, here you go:
I have the world's messiest van, inside and out. But mostly in. 

If you need a jacket, flat-rate mailing box, any number of half-empty water bottles, or enough coins to start a collection you've come to the right van. 
Stranded on the side of the road? No worries-- you could survive on the crumbs that live inside my children's car seats.

My literal trunk (or the back of my van, as it were) is actually clean. 
But my figurative trunk, as in Whatcha gonna do wit all dat junk, all dat junk that's in your trunk, is as full as ever.
I'm bootylicious. 
I blame genetics, and not my ice cream obsession. 
You see, even when I was a young skinny thing (circa 1989), baby still had back. 

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I think the slogan for Las Vegas tourism "What happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas" is asinine.
If you sleep with a prostitute and contract an STD, that's not staying in Vegas.
If you commit a crime, that's not staying in Vegas.
The only thing staying in Vegas? Your money.

Anywho, this message was brought to you in honor of my wonderful husband who just happens to be, in Vegas.

Good news! I have no concerns that he will be bringing anything back from Vegas, or leaving any money there. Because he's honorable, smart, and he loves me.

And because I'm bootylicious.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Today is Motivation Monday.

So get motivated, people.

Sometimes when I've fallen into the depths of housekeeping misery, I just feel so overwhelmed that I give up. That's where I was last night.

Laundry was piled high.
There was a load in the dryer waiting to be folded.
My bedroom boasted large piles of clothes in various locations, just waiting to be put away or hung up.
The kitchen floor was shameful in it's need of mopping.
The carpet in Derek's room was hidden under a sea of hot wheels and car tracks.
The refrigerator still has spills in it that can be traced back to Thanksgiving mashed potatoes.
The sink was full, and so was the dishwasher.
It was ugly.

Also, I was having a fat day.

So I have devoted my Monday to tackling as many of the piled up "little things" as I can, so we can have a less stressful week.
I can always relax better in a clean house.

(I can hear you laughing. Obviously I must have figured out how to relax somewhat in a messy house if I let it get that bad, eh?)

It is now 2pm and the last load of laundry is in the dryer, the sink is empty, dishwasher is running, the kitchen has been mopped, Derek's floor is visible, I cleaned out his drawers & closet, and I'm in awe of how large my bedroom seems with all of the piles missing.

However, the more I clean up, the more I find that I need to add to my to-do list. I suppose it truly is never ending.

And I'm still having a fat day.

(Insert clever transition sentence here.)

(I've never been good at transitioning.)

Some good news-- I don't think I ever mentioned on the blog that Josh's 6-week trip scheduled for this month was canceled! That was such a welcomed change to our year's calendar.
Anytime we can keep him home is good for us.

Oh, and I've been meaning to share this picture because I think it's neat. And groovy.

Even more so because Josh was flying the photographer while he took the picture.

Can I just say that I hope he was using a zoom lens?

Sometimes I think it's best that I don't know what goes on up there. I'm not sure I would be so quick to say goodbye as I throw him his lunch of hot pockets and canned pineapples in the morning.

Yes, that is the healthy lunch he took to work today. I am not only a stellar housekeeper, but I can make a mean meal, too.

I am nothing if not a domestic goddess.

If I stay on here any longer I will lose my motivation.
Happy Motivation Monday to you!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Bathroom Habits

I just picked the kids up from Awanas.
When I collected Derek, one of his teachers told me a little story about helping him in the bathroom tonight.

I probably can't do justice to the story in print, but I'm going to try anyway.
I was literally wiping away tears while she was talking-- kids are just too funny.

Remember how I mentioned before that Derek likes to have his hand squeezed while he goes number 2?
Well, that's not his only request.
His bathroom habits are more like bathroom-obsession-compulsions.

For instance, while he's walking to the bathroom to do his business he almost always says:

"Awex says sometimes it takes a yittle while. And Awex says it's okay if it hurts a yittle."

(His "L" sounds are not what they ought to be.)

But he says it just like that. Every single time.

As a matter of fact, just this morning he walked into the bathroom while I was using the facilities.
What's that?
Anyway, once I had been fully interrogated as to what manner of elimination was going on, he offered so sweetly to squeeze my hand.
Then he got about an inch away from my face and said:

"Awex says sometimes it takes a yittle while. And Awex says it's okay if it hurts a yittle."

Well, if Awex says so, it must be true.

It's really gotten to be comical-- the way he says it each and every time.

Another of his bathroom "habits" was started by none other than Pat the Bunny. She was here when we first started potty training, and actually deserves a lot of the credit for getting him trained.
She taught him that after he pees, he needs to go "ding-y ding-y" to, um, shake the drips off.


Well, ding-y ding-y has stuck, and he requires that somebody actually say the words aloud each time the dinging takes place.
He can be quite ornery about it. Because sometimes he doesn't want to say it himself, and just feels that everyone should do his bidding.

And why not?
He's a handsome little devil.

Back to tonight.

So he had to go poop at Awanas. And he made the nice lady squeeze his hand. And he also peed.
Then he was done.
But he apparently refused to get off the potty.
He kept saying: "You didn't say it! You have to say it!"
Over and over.

She kept asking him what she was supposed to say, but when Derek is whining he can be really hard to understand.
She finally thought she had figured it out and excitedly yelled out "Stinky-Stinky!"
And the boy almost had a breakdown.
For it is not stinky-stinky.

Seeing that he was about to cry, she went and got another teacher to help her.
That would be Ashlei, who is a friend of mine.
She and Ashlei then spent more time trying to guess what Derek was begging them to say. She told me they were probably in the bathroom for 15 minutes.



Finally Ashlei says "I got it! Ding-y, Ding-y!"

Derek literally yelled "yea!" and broke out into applause.

Oh, that boy.
And bless those sweet volunteers, who watch rotten children every Wednesday night, who need their penises shaken to the tune of ding-y ding-y.