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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Bathroom Habits

I just picked the kids up from Awanas.
When I collected Derek, one of his teachers told me a little story about helping him in the bathroom tonight.

I probably can't do justice to the story in print, but I'm going to try anyway.
I was literally wiping away tears while she was talking-- kids are just too funny.

Remember how I mentioned before that Derek likes to have his hand squeezed while he goes number 2?
Well, that's not his only request.
His bathroom habits are more like bathroom-obsession-compulsions.

For instance, while he's walking to the bathroom to do his business he almost always says:

"Awex says sometimes it takes a yittle while. And Awex says it's okay if it hurts a yittle."

(His "L" sounds are not what they ought to be.)

But he says it just like that. Every single time.

As a matter of fact, just this morning he walked into the bathroom while I was using the facilities.
Privacy?
What's that?
Anyway, once I had been fully interrogated as to what manner of elimination was going on, he offered so sweetly to squeeze my hand.
Then he got about an inch away from my face and said:

"Awex says sometimes it takes a yittle while. And Awex says it's okay if it hurts a yittle."

Well, if Awex says so, it must be true.

It's really gotten to be comical-- the way he says it each and every time.

Another of his bathroom "habits" was started by none other than Pat the Bunny. She was here when we first started potty training, and actually deserves a lot of the credit for getting him trained.
She taught him that after he pees, he needs to go "ding-y ding-y" to, um, shake the drips off.

Sorry.

Well, ding-y ding-y has stuck, and he requires that somebody actually say the words aloud each time the dinging takes place.
He can be quite ornery about it. Because sometimes he doesn't want to say it himself, and just feels that everyone should do his bidding.

And why not?
He's a handsome little devil.


Back to tonight.

So he had to go poop at Awanas. And he made the nice lady squeeze his hand. And he also peed.
Then he was done.
But he apparently refused to get off the potty.
He kept saying: "You didn't say it! You have to say it!"
Over and over.

She kept asking him what she was supposed to say, but when Derek is whining he can be really hard to understand.
She finally thought she had figured it out and excitedly yelled out "Stinky-Stinky!"
And the boy almost had a breakdown.
For it is not stinky-stinky.

Seeing that he was about to cry, she went and got another teacher to help her.
That would be Ashlei, who is a friend of mine.
She and Ashlei then spent more time trying to guess what Derek was begging them to say. She told me they were probably in the bathroom for 15 minutes.

"Winky-Winky?"

"Pinky-Pinky?"

Finally Ashlei says "I got it! Ding-y, Ding-y!"

Derek literally yelled "yea!" and broke out into applause.

Oh, that boy.
And bless those sweet volunteers, who watch rotten children every Wednesday night, who need their penises shaken to the tune of ding-y ding-y.

14 comments:

Erin said...

Yes! Good times w/ the three year old! Don't you agree ;)

And who would this Type A take after?

Anonymous said...

I love him! That's some funny business matters. You need to put dingy dingy on his allergy stickers. It would help caretakers out much quicker ;-)

Jen mcd

Jennifer said...

Sounds like a sticky label for his back is justified :) Ha ha ha!!

Taylor said...

You did it justice! Hilarious! :)
Oh, I wish I could have seen those two gals standing in the bathroom with him guessing away!
So now, along with all your instructions you have to leave people when you leave Derek with them (like food allergies and the like) you really need to be merciful unto others and give them the lowdown on the bathroom routine :)

Laanykidsmom said...

I have not read a post this hilarious in a while. I have a child (who would be mortified now to know I am sharing this) who liked to have company when he was going #2. I had to sit on the edge of the tub while he talked to me, and sometimes he would tell me, You have to push hard, like you're having a baby.

Grandma said...

Why is it that I get blamed for everything?

PTB

Joyce said...

Oh I think you did it justice; )

Rachel said...

That could get weird when he starts dating. Just saying.

Me and Mr. Wright said...

With chanting what "Awex says" on his way to the bathroom, it almost seems like he is just pumping himself up for whats about to happen. Can't blame him- I think we all feel that way sometimes. :)

I cried reading it- so success on doing the story justice! :)I may have even peed a yittle. Hilarious.

Keep the funny stories coming.

Sunk Costs said...

ahahahahaha. oh mah gah, boys are SO. weird.

it's just boys, right? girls potty train themselves. right...?

Anonymous said...

Oh, Erin. I have no words (but I am typing anyway). That is seriously the funniest thing I have read in a while.

Sally

Christina said...

Oh my goodness I am laughing so hard. That is a great story. What precious ladies!

Tiffany said...

Oh my goodness, I just laughed so hard. Totally made my night.

This is my first time @ your blog (thanks to good ole Lumberjacks Wife!) and I love it!

Tiffany
www.theharrislife.com

Kimberly said...

I love it! My boy, at that age, only had ONE requirement for going #2. Which sounds great until you realize that the one requirement was GETTING COMPLETELY NAKED. Which was fine until he had to go #2 at church and had moved out of the room with the bathroom IN it and into a room that required a walk to the adult bathrooms. Needless to say, his teacher just about had a heart attack as Loren started taking off clothes and tossing them on the floor behind him on the way to the bathroom. I told her he was just leaving a trail to find his way back when he was done. She had tears in her eyes as well...I hope it was from laughter...