Bathroom Habits

I just picked the kids up from Awanas.
When I collected Derek, one of his teachers told me a little story about helping him in the bathroom tonight.

I probably can't do justice to the story in print, but I'm going to try anyway.
I was literally wiping away tears while she was talking-- kids are just too funny.

Remember how I mentioned before that Derek likes to have his hand squeezed while he goes number 2?
Well, that's not his only request.
His bathroom habits are more like bathroom-obsession-compulsions.

For instance, while he's walking to the bathroom to do his business he almost always says:

"Awex says sometimes it takes a yittle while. And Awex says it's okay if it hurts a yittle."

(His "L" sounds are not what they ought to be.)

But he says it just like that. Every single time.

As a matter of fact, just this morning he walked into the bathroom while I was using the facilities.
Privacy?
What's that?
Anyway, once I had been fully interrogated as to what manner of elimination was going on, he offered so sweetly to squeeze my hand.
Then he got about an inch away from my face and said:

"Awex says sometimes it takes a yittle while. And Awex says it's okay if it hurts a yittle."

Well, if Awex says so, it must be true.

It's really gotten to be comical-- the way he says it each and every time.

Another of his bathroom "habits" was started by none other than Pat the Bunny. She was here when we first started potty training, and actually deserves a lot of the credit for getting him trained.
She taught him that after he pees, he needs to go "ding-y ding-y" to, um, shake the drips off.

Sorry.

Well, ding-y ding-y has stuck, and he requires that somebody actually say the words aloud each time the dinging takes place.
He can be quite ornery about it. Because sometimes he doesn't want to say it himself, and just feels that everyone should do his bidding.

And why not?
He's a handsome little devil.

Back to tonight.

So he had to go poop at Awanas. And he made the nice lady squeeze his hand. And he also peed.
Then he was done.
But he apparently refused to get off the potty.
He kept saying: "You didn't say it! You have to say it!"
Over and over.

She kept asking him what she was supposed to say, but when Derek is whining he can be really hard to understand.
She finally thought she had figured it out and excitedly yelled out "Stinky-Stinky!"
And the boy almost had a breakdown.
For it is not stinky-stinky.

Seeing that he was about to cry, she went and got another teacher to help her.
That would be Ashlei, who is a friend of mine.
She and Ashlei then spent more time trying to guess what Derek was begging them to say. She told me they were probably in the bathroom for 15 minutes.

"Winky-Winky?"

"Pinky-Pinky?"

Finally Ashlei says "I got it! Ding-y, Ding-y!"

Derek literally yelled "yea!" and broke out into applause.

Oh, that boy.
And bless those sweet volunteers, who watch rotten children every Wednesday night, who need their penises shaken to the tune of ding-y ding-y.