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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Next time I will get my robe.

Sometimes I find myself in situations that I'm sure just don't happen to other people.

This afternoon, around 2 o'clock or so, I propose to you that a package of sugar cookie dough caused me to crawl through my house without a single stitch of clothing.

It's strange. I know.
But it's true.

This is how it went down...

I bought a package of ready-made cookie dough to have on hand for the open house we have scheduled on Sunday. I've always heard that you should bake cookies or something good-smelling to entice buyers.

"If you live here, your house will always be clean and smell of freshly baked cookies. Why, yes, thank you for asking, we do always have fresh flowers on the dining room table. And of course our toilet paper is always folded into an attractive V-shape. What? Did you take us for animals?"

So I bought the cookies and then thought a second about my love of raw cookie dough.
Did I have the moral stamina to keep away from it until Sunday? And then to actually bake those tasty little squares thereby sucking all the goodness out of them?
Then I saw the coupon for a dollar off of two packages and considered it a sign that I should buy two. One for me and one for them*.

*Them being the people we hope actually show up to our house on Sunday.

That brings me to today. After 20 hours of knowing that dough was in there and leaving it alone, I succumbed to the temptation. I opened the package and ate one square.

It was yummy.

And then I decided I should take my shower for the day.
Yes, at 2pm.
So I disrobed and started the water.
Then my mouth screamed to me "I need one more!"

Not being one to deny my mouth what it needs, I headed to the fridge.

And not being one to waste time putting on a robe, I was nekked.

Yes, I know I spelled that wrong, but it's funnier that way.

And as I'm standing there with the fridge door open and grabbing my second square, I hear a knock at the door.

Allow me to show you why this is a problem:



The arrow all the way to the right shows you where I was standing.
The arrow in the middle shows you the window that the person knocking on my door may or may not have seen me through as they were walking up to the door.
The arrow all the way to the left shows you the front door where the knocker was standing. The front door with the window.

*Cue regret at not throwing on my robe.

To get to my bedroom and therefore, clothes, would require me to walk right past the front door. Obviously not an option.
So instead I dropped to the ground and crawled out of the kitchen and into the hallway between the kids rooms.
And I stayed there until the knocker left.
And while I was there I cursed my mouth for wanting one more square. And I cursed my robe for not putting itself on me. And I cursed that coupon that convinced me to buy that second package to begin with.

Notice that I accept no personal blame.

Then Alex opened the door to her room and found her mother crouching naked in the hallway.
I'm pretty sure she now thinks that's what I do while she's in quiet time.

So there you have it.

I found out later that my borrowed pack-n-play was waiting outside the door for me.
So I should probably apologized to my friend Erin now.
Erin?
I'm sorry.
I'm especially sorry if while you were knocking, you saw my knockers.

And I'm sorry that I just referred to my breasts as knockers.

Next time I will get my robe.

21 comments:

thelumberjackswife said...

Ha!
Now, I must notice . . .
there never is a dull moment at your house, is there?
I have decided that Handsome Dude is the crazy member of our household, and you, yourself, are the crazy member of your household.
:)

Erin said...

Well now, next time I'll be sure to do the knocking instead of sending my 4 yr old to your door!

You are lucky that it was just us and not someone interested in your house, they might have actually peeked in your windows :)

Karen said...

That was too funny! I'm still laughing! Especially at the thought of poor Alex thinking that crouching "nekked" in the hall is what you do in your quiet time!!

Grandma said...

Heh! Heh!

Now, what you really haven't considered about this incident: As a 30 veteran of the classroom, let me assure you that at sometime, when the teacher innocently asks the children at circle time, "Did anyone have anything interesting or different happen at their house?" what Alex saw as she came out of her room will be told for everyone to hear .

Rachel said...

Oh my goodness - you are funny! Although I must admit that I rarely (well, never) close the blinds in my very open first floor, so after I shower I generally do a little sprint from the bathroom to the bedroom in my towel. I, too, have a bathrobe. I never use it. I don't have a reason.

Christina said...

That is so very funny. I agree that it is hysterical to think that your daughter now envisions you outside of her door like that while she has her quiet time.
If you find a good robe, please share. Not the robe, but where you found it. I will not deprive you of your robe...you obviously need it.
Now that winter is gone, I am having trouble finding a good, long robe that is not super heavy (which is why I wasn't interested in looking during the winter). I am making no sense, I fear. Therefore, goodbye. Except for this...the cookies are totally to blame.

Dressed-Up Dots said...

P-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Heather and Scott said...

I'm still laughing at your shaningans. Thanks for the chuckle :)

mikeandmelissafisher said...

I've sat here forever trying to comment, but really, there's just nothing to say. That is too. darn. funny.

Corie said...

We are not related :) You are crazy!! I was laughing out loud reading this though...

Mrs. J said...

Hahaha! Thanks for being willing to share with all your blog followers! Thanks for the much needed laugh! And I agree with your friend Erin, thankfully it wasn't a potential buyer, because they totally would have peeked in the windows:)

The Mains said...

I'm crying...I'm crying. Laughing so hard that I'm crying. Ohhhh! Stop the madness.

NF - C&T said...

Hilarious! Thank you for sharing!! I love it :-) I also love that you're goign to SJ!

Annie Pennington said...

HAAAAAA!!!! Oh my gosh this is HILARIOUS! The funniest story EVER!

auburnchick said...

Oh

My

Gosh.

You do realize that you will be answering for this some time in the future when your daughter is in counseling because she saw her playing Hide and Seek while in the nude.

heehee

Jaime said...

I felt your racing heart just reading this post. Hysterical. And so funny because we are all guilty of running to the kitchen nekked while the shower warms up. We just don't get caught! I kid, I kid...

Marla said...

You are AWESOME!!

Teresa Dawn said...

haha! This is too funny! That must have been some good cookie dough!

redeemed diva said...

Dropping over from LJW (think Lumberjack) and I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Seriously, you pulled off using nekked and knockers in one post. That is toooo much! haha! Best post I read this week...sorry that it came at such a scarring cost to your daughter ;)

Debbie said...

Hee hee. I'm also here from LJW. I can see that you are kindred spirits. That story had me laughing out loud! Cookie dough is soooo worth it :)

Camie said...

Mmmm cookie dough...

Ok so this post was too funny! I totally loled!!!

Even funnier that your daughter found you!

Ah, cookie dough!