Monday, March 1, 2010

Turd in the Tub

That's a great title, don't you think?
Or am I giving away the surprise ending?

So bath-time tonight was a real hoot. I filled the tub up for the kids and threw 'em in.
Try not to be too surprised by this next statement.

I hadn't yet taken my shower for the day.

Shock. Gasp. I know.

So I decided I would jump in the shower while they were having fun playing toys in the tub. (We have a separate shower stall.)
But first, I wanted to get them washed so I jumped in the bathtub with them. (We have a big soaker tub. I will miss my bathroom more than anything else in the house.)
They think it is a great treat when Mommy gets in the bath with them. I haven't done it in awhile. Not since Derek pointed at me and asked "Mommy yous got hair on your butt?"

He was not pointing to my butt.

Moving on.
I washed them up, and thankfully got out of the tub and into the shower before disaster struck.
I took a fairly long shower. And a hot one. I pretty much stayed in until the hot water wasn't plentiful anymore.
About that time, Alex says that she needs to poop.
I tell her I'm coming to get her out.
Twenty seconds later she says "Derek pooped in the tub, Mommy!"
Suspicious, I say.
But I asked Derek, and he admitted that yes, he pooped in the tub.
I'm not buying it. That boy will say anything.

Then comes the yelling and complaining when I pull 2 wet kids out of the tub, curse under my breath as to why we have 101 toys floating amongst the poop specks, and wonder what I'm going to do about rinsing off said kids when the hot water has been used up.

I get it under control. Don't ask me how, because I went to a happy place for that 10 minutes of my life in which my children and I were naked, wet, and cold. I don't remember much.

Though I do remember that one of my children had some evidence stuck between her...cheeks, and that I had to have a discussion about lying about poop production.

Fast forward to post-pajamas, Alex comes into Derek's room as I'm dressing him and says "Mommy, can you not tell Daddy that someone pooped in the tub tonight?

Someone? Still having ownership issues apparently.
Own your poop Alex.
Own it.

Me: Why Alex?
Alex: Because Daddy says it's not nice to talk about poop when you're not in the bathroom.

Touche. Daddy does say that potty talk isn't nice when it's not relevant to actual potty needs.
So I wont tell him.
I'll let him read it here.

Bet you're glad you missed that one Josh. And I'm glad that I was out of the tub when it happened.
And now I'm off to clean 101 toys.

And then.



Rachel said...

Multiple things entered my mind while reading this:
1. Ha.
2. You have a seperate shower stall!
3. You have a soaker tub!
4. Quit whining then, woman!
5. Wait, your husband appears not to be home for bathtime either...okay. I'll let it go.

thelumberjackswife said...

I don't watch that Batchelor nonsense.


I have better things to do.
Like catch up on American Idol on my DVR from when I was in Cancun NOT doing my ab exercises.

Erin said...

It happens to all of us.


Especially when the daddies aren't home.

Jen McD said...

That girl is a quick thinker! Unfortunately I have cleaned lots of poopy floaties as well. I'm so proud to say we've switched to showers!

ps - in Korea (maybe somewhere down your line) you will never run out of hot water bc of the way they heat the floors and water. Showers could be 45 minutes long! I shall miss that the most.

melicity said...

I laughed so hard I think I might have had my morning coffee come out of my nose. That hurt but it was worth it. Favorite line? "Own your poop, Alex. Own it." Bwhahahahaha!!!!

(Vienna is nothing but an airhead. Tenely has way more class and that moron doesn't deserve her.)

Mrs. J said...

Did you watch the bachelor? What were your thoughts? I think maybe an entire blog post should be about your thoughts of the outcome of the bachelor! :) That would make me laugh! I LOVE your blog. Girl, you have a gift. A natural ability to make everyday "stuff" interesting, and funny and capture what I would say most mom's are going through and feeling:) So fun to be able to keep up with you this way! And knowing I am not alone:) Totally have had the "poop in the bath" episode in my house! Praying for your upcoming move! Thanks for letting us peek in the window of your world!


Mom's Coffee Time said...

Sounds like a mother's full day's of work :) That'll be something you wont forget too soon :) The Bachelor show was so comical, you know the saying love is blind and boy oh boy he must be blind.... Tune in for the separation of Jake and Vienna to air shortly~ I agree with "melicity" blew me away!!

The Passionate Housewife said...


Heather and Scott said...

Too Funny... I ALWAYS laugh out loud at your posts. Crack me up!! Every part of it. Hilarious.