***

***

Friday, March 5, 2010

Go Green, Wear Paper

Today I spent some time in a room with three fully dressed people while I was in my underwear. Then I went shopping and had some sushi.
I'd call it a successful day.

First I dropped Alex off at preschool. Then I took Derek to the drop-in center. He cried when I left him. It made me sad, so I drowned my sorrow in a mocha on the drive to Boise.

I had an appointment with a dermatologist today, because I had noticed a new mole that developed on my stomach. I call him Larry.
I fully expected Larry to be cut out of my life today, but alas he and I are still together.
Apparently I should have been calling him Harmless Larry who happens to be taking a ride on Paranoid Erin.

So I guess new patients at this dermatologist's office are "offered" a full body skin exam. I'm not sure there's any nice way to turn this offer down. It would be like saying "I know that there might be growths on my body that may or may not be deadly, but I'd rather you not inspect my pale extremities."

So instead I said "I choose life" and donned the paper gown.
(Caveat-- had I neglected to shave my legs the day before, I would have had no qualms about choosing death. Thankfully I had thought ahead.)

The doctor was very nice. When he* came in I apologized for being under-dressed and let him know that I don't usually meet new people while wearing recyclables. He laughed at my little joke, which is a good thing because I had spent the previous 5 awkward minutes of sitting alone in a small room wearing paper thinking it up.

*By "he" I mean, the doctor, some woman who said nothing but saw me in my underwear, and a nurse. I'm a little weirded out by said woman, as no introduction was made. I'm assuming she was a student of some sort. In either case, she got a free show. Your welcome.

During the exam I wanted to tell the doctor that I look better with a little color, but I don't think people in his specialty appreciate that kind of talk. What with the whole sun-causing-skin-cancer and everything. I did make sure to mention something about the kids while I was in there though. I didn't want them all to think that the way my body looks is all my fault.

Anyway, I made it through the appointment and then did some shopping. After all, it would be a waste of gas to drive to Boise and not get some other stuff accomplished, right?
Right.
And naturally for lunch I should have some sushi, right?
Right.
And after all that shopping, it would be a shame to leave town without getting a root beer float for the drive home, right?
Right.

In the interest of making myself feel better, the mocha was non-fat, and I asked that they drown my ice cream in diet root beer.
I'm sure it will make all the difference.

On behalf of myself and Harmless Larry,
I wish you all a good weekend!

6 comments:

Jen McD said...

I'm cracking up at the "I look better with a tan" quip! It keeps him in business.

Tell Larry hello

Corie said...

I hate appointments like that!! You are too funny! But, I am up at 6:30 am to leave with both children to a weekend hockey tournament...not to read your blog, so I better get packing! Hope you bought a cute outfit and not just food :)

Erin said...

I'm glad your appointment went well! I was going to ask if they punched, shaved, sliced, or cut Larry out but I guess you get to be better friends.

Laanykidsmom said...

I had to smile at this. There is not much worse than those dreadful paper gowns. Unless it is trying to make small talk with the doctor while you are wearing those gowns and in an examining chair. And I had to laugh at the poop in the tub post. I forgot to clean out the tub one day after my youngest did that and that evening my daughter said "There's mold in the tub!" No, that would be poop.

Sunk Costs said...

When I was younger I recall having a dermatologist who called a certain skin condition the "get naked disease." He was sort of creepy.

Hope you and Larry enjoyed your big day in Boise! Based on the faded, torn Highlights magazines I remember from my dermatologist's office, I feel like there's a market for children's books about people and their moles.

MMm&m said...

did I mention I'm glad to find your blog???????

I'm glad to find your blog.

You make my day.