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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tangents

I was chatting with friends the other day at a playdate...

Tangent #1, Playdates: Moms getting together under the premise of supervising social interaction between their children. Truth--We don't really care about the social interaction, we just want them to leave us alone for a few blessed minutes.
Play quietly.
But not too quietly, because then we'll have to go check on them.

It begs the question-- is the playdate more for mom or child?
That mental battle plays out when you're in the midst of a juicy conversation and your child brings you a book they would like you to read to them.

Oh, the indecision.

Am I going to be the parent who will stop chatting and read to my child at their play date?

Nay.
Nay, I am not.
I am the parent that says: "Mommy's talking with the ladies right now, we can read this later."
Then I take the book and hide it behind the broccoli, where I know the child will never find it again. 

...and we were discussing the internet. A friend mentioned that she tries not to put detailed information on Facebook about when they will be out of town, so as not to encourage a would-be burglar to rob their home...

 
Tangent #2, We're leaving town: Not too long after I return from my cruise (How's that for an attempt at being vague?), we're going to take a short trip that will include a night's stay at the Great Wolf Lodge. It's a hotel with an indoor waterpark. Are we super fun people or what?


Tangent #2 part B, Or what: We're really more homebodies and prefer to lounge around the house on weekends. We're making an effort to get out and do a little more this year during the time that Josh is home. Because when he's gone? Well, I have a rule about attempting family fun with only one parent: Don't.

Tangent #2 part C, I could probably just put our exact address right here on the blog along with the dates that we will be away. Because if somebody came to plunder, they would die trying to lift and carry our 500 pound dinosaur of a television.

...I nodded my agreement, saying that I probably need to be more careful about putting too much information on my blog. Then another friend...

Tangent #3, Preggo: This friend is about to have a baby.
Like, any day now.
I love it when other people have babies! They are so tiny and sweet and snuggly and not mine. Which makes me a little sad, but mostly relieved.
I loved the snuggles and the nursing.
But the part that nobody talks about before you get pregnant is the part I don't miss.
It seems that adequate distribution of the following information would prevent a lot of teen pregnancies:

You have to hose yourself off with a water bottle after you pee.
And wear underwear that look like fishnet stockings with a pad the size of a diaper inside of them. 
Sleep comes in 20 minute increments.
Nighttime sweating. 
Hormone rollercoaster.
Sore nipples.
Sore...nether-regions.
Hemmorhoids.

This tangent is getting out of hand.
But teens-- don't have sex.

...laughed at me and said "You think that's what you put on your blog that's too much?"

Tangent #4, Erin lacks a filter:
I had to laugh with her. She has a point. 
In light of my recent nipple episode, my infamous naked-cookie-dough-eating incident, my not-too-infrequent mentionings of marital relations and even the occasional personal cycle information, the point is actually quite valid.

When I type up a blog, I think a fundamental failure on my part is that I'm not really thinking about who might be reading it.

Tangent #4, part b: My blog-friend Taylor likes to remind me from time to time that my dad reads my blog.
Silly Taylor, just because you like to hide obvious facts from your parents doesn't mean we all have to.

Attention Taylor's parents: Your daughter has had sex at least 4 times!
I know this because she has four children.
Do you know what else we can derive from the fact that she has four children?
She is a glutton for punishment.
Holla, Taylor. Happy Tuesday to you.


See? Tangents make everything more fun, don't you think?

6 comments:

Julia said...

You forgot the leaky nipples every time a kid cries: ANY KID.
Or
The fact that you will never get to pee alone again.
Or
The fact that you are guaranteed to be peed on at least once, maybe even pooped on, and for sure spit up on.
And the list can only get longer…

Taylor said...

Mom and Dad,
I have no idea what Erin is referring to.
Your loving daughter,
Taylor

Rachel said...

I think if they put real, honest to goodness pictures of those damn hemorrhoids, especially the post-delivery puppies into the sex-ed classes, teenage girls would but a no-entry sign on their woo-hoos for a long time.

Erin said...

Oh man, I always got the nurses who would come in and check on things post-birth and say "oahh, that looks bad." Well thanks...I just pushed out a nine pound baby. But it makes me wonder how bad it was since they must be checking lots of new Mumas.

Anyway, maybe you should put a little rating at the beginning of the post to warn off some of the guys. You know, I'm pretty sure they didn't all need to know about the nipple incident ;)

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I was blissfully blocking out all the after delivery stuff. Thanks for waking me up.

My cousin taught her son about sex using a medical book on stds. They should show those pictures along with hemmeroids in high school health classes. See, women should really rule the world.

Love, pg and blind Jen mcd

Jessica said...

And now I'm freaked out for May. You should also have ratings to warn currently first-time pregnant women about certain posts...