Thursday, October 28, 2010

Hide yo pigs, hide yo wife

I intended to post yesterday to fill you all in on what Alex ended up wearing to her school's Nursery Rhyme Parade.

I know you were all clicking back over here all day long just dying to hear about it.


But I wasn't able to post.
Because I was deeply disturbed in my soul.

You see, I witnessed something terrible yesterday while driving in my swagger wagon.
I think I need to share it with you, just to get it off my chest.

The kids and I were on our way to Papa John's (the pizza place, not a relative's house) when we pulled up at a stoplight next to a huge truck filled with huge pigs.

Or were they hogs?
I know not the difference.

My children took much delight in this occasion. I had my little camera with me in the car and thought I would snap a picture to show you all this exciting happening in our little town.

As I was snapping the picture, one of the pighogs reared up in the air.

"Oooh Mommy, look at that big one!"

Then I realized that there was another pig kind of underneath and in front of him. That pighog was backed into the farthest corner of the truck, with no place to go.

Before I could stop myself, I exclaimed:

"Those pigs are having intercourse! And I just took a picture!"

But it certainly did not appear like consensual intercourse. I know of no pighogette (?sow?) who would submit to lovemaking on a moving vehicle while surrounded by other milling pighogs and pighoggettes.

Disturbing, I tell you.

Also disturbing: My children asking me what intercourse is.

Me: It means they're hugging.

Aaaaaaaaand that's my story. Thank you for letting me get it off my chest.


Now I will make you wait no longer for the Top Story:

5 Year Old Wows Audience at Nursery Rhyme Parade

Or something like that.

Alex persisted in desiring to be some type of feminine nursery rhyme character, and I conceded defeat and went rummaging through our closets.

We pulled together a "Mary had a Little Lamb" using a bonnet-like hat, peasant-y skirt, a sheep vest, and a staff (aka large candy cane). She held a little lamb in her other hand.

I thought it was good enough.
Turns out I wasn't as creative as I thought, because as she walked past me, she was following a girl in a similar outfit, and another was behind her.

And they were all wearing signs that said "Little Bo Peep."

She participated, and I didn't have to buy or sew anything.
My kind of event.

I did snap a couple of pictures of my favorite little paraders.

This child obviously has a parent with too much time on their hands creativity :

And I think said parent is right behind him (?her?) helping the cow to not knock over the moon.

And this little first grader couldn't have been any cuter. They were dressed as "community helpers."
He was in a perfectly tailored suit, carrying his Bible.

A little preacher.

And to sum up the parade: That's 10 minutes of my life I'm never getting back.

Sort of.


Taylor said...

knock knock

Erin said...

Well, now you have a whole year to prepare for the community helper costume.

Nicole said...

oh my gosh, laughed my butt off at the candy cane for her walking staff!!

Taylor said...

Honey Bee.

Taylor said...

Honey, bee a dear and make my boys some costumes.

I funny.

Amy said...

I totally thought the little preacher was Obama- oh me oh my!!! Get with it Amy... the preacher IS the obvious answer!

Christina said...

Sooo funny. I love it that there were three shepherdess types in a row. :)
The pig story? Oh my goodness.
I was driving once from NJ to KY and was next to a similar truck, with pigs. One of the pigs jumped out through one of those slatted parts! We were in stopped traffic on the highway. Just sitting waiting. The really crazy part? Some guy got out of his car in front of me and picked up the pig and put it in his car!! Ack! What would he do that for?! Can you imagine what was on that pig? Well. You can. There were pigs on a level above it, too. Peeing or pooping? Gross!
I think it is too hilarious that you got a picture of that. It should win a prize.

Grandma said...

Great job, Mom. Alex looks like the only modern day Little Bo Peep. She is a back to the earth - "green minded" - independent woman shepherdess. Not like those other frilly dressed in pink women just looking for a sheep and a husband. Keep up the good work.

missy jill said...

I refuse to spend more than 5 minutes on my kids' costumes. I am a mean mom. I make them do their own.

js said...

How long have you been waiting to use a variation on that theme for a title?