Monday, June 20, 2011

The Wiener

Twenty-five of you good folks left me a question last week when I guilted you into it.
Tonight the Random Number generator at random.org pulled number 13 as the lucky wiener!

That would be Dana! Congrats on the HUGE prize. It's probably the best thing you've ever won in your whole life, no?
What's your pick-- coin purse or CD?

Let's have a little fun with our wiener--   (not to be confused with what Derek does in the bathtub)

Fun Facts about Dana!
- We met freshman year of college in ROTC, and we were both nursing majors
- Dana grew up in the upper peninsula of Michigan and therefore owned a lot of flannel
- Dana's roommate freshman year in our dorm looked like an albino fetus. Strange, but true
- Folks in the U.P. are not big on correct grammar. Dana would call me up most days to ask: "Have you ate yet?"
- I still make fun of her for that. Obviously.
- Dana would occasionally work two jobs at the same time during college so that she wouldn't have to take out as much loan money for room & board.
- Then she would go and spend it all on a NorthFace backpack or something else totally unnecessary.
- Dana introduced me to the many splendors of Gone With the Wind. I am forever in her debt.

Since she won, I should probably answer her question.
She asked:
 Would you ever consider surrogacy?

In a word?

What in the world are you thinking?
Oh, I know what you are thinking.

You're thinking that everyone gains 2 ounces when they get pregnant and slips right back into their jean shorts like you just did.

Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Dana just had her first baby. A super sweet, beautiful little girl for whom Dana had a cantaloupe sized belly and who essentially just fell out of her uterus over the course of about an hour.
For realz.

She's the one who should consider surrogacy. She could probably make a killing dropping babies like it ain't nobody's business.

Those of us who gained FORTY pounds and have yet to bounce back from their last little bundle would think twice.
(Don't judge me, he's only 46 months old.)

All joking aside, I don't think I could ever be a surrogate mom. There's just no way I could grow a baby inside me and not think of it as my own, no matter what the deoxyribonucleic acid.

(The long form of the acronym DNA is the extent of what I remember from freshman year biochemistry. Along with the fact that I hate chemistry-- I remember that, too.)

Since we're in the question-answering mode, let's press on and do some more.

Rachel asked the question--

Will you ever eat gingerbread again?

Of course, she is referring to The Incident. Refresh yourself if you must, but it wont be pleasant. 
I actually don't even like gingerbread. I was just eating the icing off that gingerbread house port-o-potty.
But I'm fairly certain that I'm scarred for life and will be saying no thank you from now on.

Jennifer asked
When will you go back to work outside the house?

Wait, what?
Isn't that what my husband is for?

Ha. Kidding.

Sort of. 

I actually have no idea if/when I will go back to the work world. It's something that I have no desire to do right now. I love being able to stay home with the munchkins, and the logistics of Josh's job makes it hard to imagine how I would make it work if I did want to.

I know others manage to do it, but they probably don't require the amount of couch/internet time that I have determined is necessary in my life.
If I do go back to nursing, it will be on a part-time basis and only in an area that I truly want to work in. I've always had a heart for kids fighting cancer, and I could see myself working in the pediatric oncology field some day.

I could also see myself working at Cold Stone Creamery and weighing about 400 pounds.


Erin said...

Try gaining 70 lbs. Yummmmm Cold Stone.

Taylor said...

Dana sounds like a kick in the pants! :)

I gained 50 pounds. And proud of it.

Dana said...

OMG!! I never win anything!! This is amazing!!
I choose the CD, and the $500 Anthropology gift certificate :)
I think I am gaining more weight now that I am not pregnant. I didn't have any cravings during pregnancy, but now that I have had her, I've developed this insane ice-cream sweet tooth. It is so weird.
And, we almost named her Scarlett :)