Five

Strap in folks, we're about to go on a five-year tour.
Today, May 19th, is the five year anniversary of one Miss Alexandra Kate Schore.

I'm going to let Alex describe her journey for you.

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 Here I am, snug as a bug in this here lady's tummy. I've kicked her a lot in the last few months.
I was trying to tell her to stop eating so much, but I don't think she knew what I was saying.
I mean, look at her. She's a little...plump.

Man. Something's going on in here.  
Hey! You, Lady! Stop squeezing me. It doesn't feel good.

What the ...??
Ow. OOOOOOWWWWWWWW.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
What just happened? Why am I covered in this disgusting white stuff? Why is it so cold? And for the love, do you see the lady's double chin? I told  her to stop eating so much.
Why is she looking at me like I'm an alien?

Dear Lord, can it get any worse? This is terrifying.

Oh.
It's getting worse.

Who is trying to pop my head off?? Um, hello? I'm a freaking baby here. Could you be a little gentle?

This treatment is ridiculous, and if you think that I'm going to give you an hour's sleep while we're in this crazy place you call a hospital, you are kidding yourself.

What's that? Time to go home?

You must be joking.
I am not.wearing.that.
Did you not know that I was going to be a girl? Have you not heard of an ultrasound folks? I'm calling in a complaint.

Forget about the outfit, would you just take me home already?

Thank you.
I think those two morons are finally figuring out who's in charge around this place.

And who is this guy anyway?
Please tell me he's not my dad.
Can I request a more experienced model? This guy looks like he should be mowing lawns, not flying airplanes.

  I guess you gotta make the best of things.
He does seem to like me. And I can totally get him to walk me around in circles in the living room. All I have to do is refuse to stop crying.
Piece of cake.

I was going to read with him, but I prefer classical literature to those weird picture books. He calls them graphic novels, but I'm pretty sure I heard that lady call them comic books.
So I opted for a nap instead.

Life's getting a little better these days.
At least they figured out I was a girl. And despite this ridiculous brain-squeezing thing they put on my head, I kind of like these two.

So in the next several months, I really got the hang of being a baby. I would even say that I got good at it.
Want to know some of my secrets?

1) Be cute, it'll take you places.

2) Don't be too cute. You may be taken advantage of.

3) Don't let people judge you based on your weight.

4) Embrace the seasons of life.

5) Travel

And 6) Age gracefully.

At this point in my life, I continued to grow in stature, drama, and cuteness in accordance with my plan for world domination.

All was going according to plan, until one fateful day when my parents turned my world upside down.

I didn't know what it meant at first, but boy have I caught on.
And if you think a simple poke to the eye will take care of the problem, you are mistaken.

It's been a long road since then. I no longer hope to dominate the world, but simply to rule the roost in my own home.
 It's a daily task to remain in top position.
But I'm up for the challenge.
I shall not be defeated.
He keeps getting bigger, so I must stay one step ahead of him.

So I shall grow. 

And grow.

And grow.

Until my mommy and daddy can't believe that I'm five whole years old.

The End.

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Happy Birthday Baby Girl! We've loved every bit of our five years with you.
We pray that God will bless you in the years to come.
Love, Mama & Daddy