Jeepers!

To Whom it May Concern at the Jeepers! Headquarters, if indeed, anyone is concerned:

Today I took my children to one of your Jeepers! establishments. We were celebrating the half-way mark of my daughter's school year.
When we chose to home school, her only concern was missing out on the annual Fun Day of her former school. I assured her that we would indeed have our own Fun Day. 
After all, even home-educated children need to leave the house once in a while, or so I've heard.
We tossed aside the denim jumper and the hymnal and we headed out to socialize.
Jeepers!

After careful deliberation, I chose your franchise for our festivities, as your website assures us that it is "America's Greatest Indoor Amusement Park" and the place "For Exciting Family Entertainment."

I knew it must be true when I saw that Jeepers! is always spelled with an exclamation point.
Dead giveaway for excitement.

After doing my careful research, including calling the location to confirm that they participated in $5 wristband Wednesdays (we are the thrifty sort),  we excitedly headed out to ride unlimited rides and experience unlimited excitment. Jeepers!

Even the downpour of rain couldn't dampen the spirits of my youngsters.
Probably because they weren't the ones sloshing through the mud trying to get them loaded into the car.

Since your website clearly stated that you open at noon on Wednesdays, we headed off around 11:50am. Surely your special promotion on this middle day of the week brings in larger crowds, and we wanted to beat them in. Jeepers!

Pulling into the parking lot at noon, the children were dismayed to find that your place of business (term used loosely) was not exactly...open for business. After slopping through the puddles we found that your door advertises your opening hour as 1pm.

That was disappointing.

I was slightly to moderately hungry at the time, and the Jeepers! menu was to fulfill our lunching needs. Instead we headed next door to the Big Lots where we did our best to pass the time.
Fortunately, my kids gave me plenty to do as they wanted to know, every thirty seconds, if I would please check the time to see if we could go to Jeepers!.
We also had the privilege of utilizing rather poorly maintained public restrooms, and growing hungrier by the moment.

At last! It was 12:58 and I told the kids it was safe to walk next door and start Fun Day.
Brrrrr! Jeepers! The rain had picked up and the wind sure was blowing!

There was a handtruck sitting right in front of your doors and the Pepsi man was idling in his large truck in front of the entrance. It seemed he was attempting to make a delivery, but the doors were locked.
Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock.
Mommy, why can't we go in?
Mama-- I can see a fun ride through the window!
Mommy, why aren't the lights on?
Mama I'm cold! You said it was time!
Mommy, are the exhaust fumes from the Pepsi truck making you want to vomit?
Yes darling, yes they are.

About six minutes later, a man came running up to the door and unlocked it. Then the Pepsi man made his delivery. We walked in behind him and waited another 5 minutes for the lights to be turned on.
After all, there was only this one man to accept the delivery and turn on the lights.
Then we waited some more.
And some more.
The one man went through a ritual of sorts involving moving trash cans about.

Eventually he came to the counter where I was able to request 2 wristbands for my children. I tried to pay with my debit card, but had to wait another 5 minutes before the computers "warmed up."
Jeepers! was kind of getting on my nerves right about then.

You see, I was hungry. And I don't do well when I'm hungry.
Ask my husband, he can confirm.
Only he's a bazillion miles away at war, and was probably having a better time than I was at that moment.

Did you hear that Jeepers!? War would be preferable to starving in your poorly employed establishment.
Also, I might have a little PMS.
Can't rightly say.

I asked the one man who would be running the rides, and he pointed to himself. And then I asked if he would be doing the cooking as well and he muttered something I didn't understand.
But my stomach understood.

There would be no lunch for me.
Fortunately I had forced my children to eat a banana each in the car on the way over, so at least they were doing okay.

Because, after all, there was only one man.
One man to move trash cans about, to man the register, to operate all the rides, and I certainly couldn't take him away from those things to ask him to heat up the fryers and cook me some gosh-darn lunch, now could I?

So myself, and the few other agitated customers, did our best to coordinate our childrens' desires for which ride to experience, since of course one man can only operate one ride at a time. We got on the first ride at 1:30pm, a mere hour and a half after we arrived ready for some Jeepers! fun.

And Jeepers!, when people came in to discuss birthday parties, that one man was unavailable to help us with a ride for ten minutes at a time.

I know in this economy, we all have to cut back where we can. But if this is your company's idea of a good way to cut back, then pardon my french, but you kind of suck.

Sincerely,
Still grumpy.