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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Patricia the Rabbit

aka Pat the Bunny.

She's done a lot around here the past week and a half.

She kept the kids out of our way when the movers were here.
She kept the kids alive while we were out of town.
She kept the peace by indulging their every whim.

But let's get to the part you all want to know about.
The part where she unintentionally does all sorts of wacky stuff.

Here we go...
In the last 10 days Pat the Bunny has:
 Fought a battle with the garage doors. And lost.

There are 2 garage doors. They each have their own button. Fairly straightforward. 
I made the mistake of asking her to close the door that was open. Then I went into my bedroom.
5 minutes later, I am still hearing the whir of the garage door motors. Up and down. Down and up.
Confused, I go to check on PtB.
Both doors are now open. She is farther from accomplishing the original purpose than when she first begun.
Technology is not her friend.

Pat the Bunny has:
Set land speed records getting to her cell phone.

Fact-- When PtB hears her cell phone ring, she is sure that there is an urgent matter of national security that needs her immediate attention. Whatever she is doing at the moment is dropped and the racing begins. She fumbles in her purse and occasionally manages to answer the phone before the ringing stops.
She is successful about 12% of the time.
She probably can't figure out how to get the number of rings to increase so she has more time.
Again, technology = not her friend.

Pat the Bunny has:
Angered environmentalists everywhere for her overuse of plasticware.

Anytime we're in the moving process, we tend to use plastic cups and paper plates for the days that we're living out of boxes. It makes clean up easier for when I have yet to locate my real dishes and/or have not bought dishwasher detergent.
However, PtB has continued to use the plastic cups even though we are all unpacked.
Not being a tree-hugger myself, I really don't care.
But she has somehow gotten it into her head that Josh and I are also using those blue plastic cups (we're not), and then she "forgets" which cup is hers and is forced to get a new one. (They are all hers.)
So each evening, I walk around the kitchen throwing away 3-5 blue plastic cups with the same small amount of water in each of them.
It's kind of comical.

Pat the Bunny has:
Kept her reputation as a salt-addict by salting things like Burger King cheeseburgers, and fried shrimp from a Chinese buffet.

Really? They need extra salt??

Several weeks ago, I received an e-mail from CNN news with a link to an article that had been forwarded to me by none other than Patricia the Rabbit.

And the name of the article she though I should read?

"Love Salt? You might be a supertaster."
Right, PtB. Right.

Pat the Bunny has not:
Paid a visit to the Chick-fil-a at which her famed tumble occurred. It's just a mile down the street.
I think she should go. You know, just to prove that she doesn't have a residual paralyzing fear.


Know what else?
She's leaving on Thursday.
And that means that I'm going to have to actually get up in the mornings with the kids. And take Derek to the potty every hour. And...play...with my children.
Oh the horror.

Stay PtB! Don't go! I will buy you as many blue cups as you want to waste. And a salt lick too.
Pretty please?

4 comments:

thelumberjackswife said...

I think everyone needs a Pat the Bunny in their lives. :)

Erin said...

May we borrow PTB? Our stuff comes on Monday. You don't think she would mind 4 kids do you?

Rachel said...

I love PtB. She's great. My mommy-in-laws are just as great and just as funny but I'm a-scared to make as good fun of them :)

aTXtumbleweed said...

Can PtB come stay with me?? I don't have blue plastic cups...mine are red - does it matter?