Monday, November 2, 2009

Because I'm Mean

It's really the only reason I can think of that I am going to post this. Because she's been nothing but kind and helpful, letting us invade her house and loving every minute of it.

And yet, she's such an easy target. I'm talking about Pat the Bunny of course. My mother in law. Her name is Pat, but I took to referring to her as Pat the Bunny many moons ago for reasons I'm not quite certain of.

Mostly because I was having a mental conversation with myself about whether the baby book is referring to a bunny named Pat or telling us to physically pat the bunny. I've never read it so I still don't know the answer to that, but anyway the nickname stuck. When she calls my cell, it tells me I'm receiving a call from Pat the Bunny. It makes me smile. I'm mean and weird.

For those who are wondering, she does read my blog, and no I don't warn her ahead of time when she's my latest victim.

So on to this morning...

I'm no longer swallowing razor blades, but I'm so stuffed up that I can't even tell when Derek poops, and that's really stuffed up. 'Cause that kid stinks. He gets it from his father.

Anyway, Pat the Bunny mentioned last night that she had some Dayquil if I wanted some. I got up this morning and thought that might be a good idea.

Here is what I found:

Not only does it appear that Gracie Doggie at some point had a cold and helped herself to some...

...But it turns out that I'm a year and half late in getting in on some of this decongesting goodness. Expiration of 4/2008.

So I dug around some more. Here is the loot:

Want to guess what they all have in common?
Tylenol, expired 4/07
Contac Cold Drops, expired 9/01

Old asthma inhaler from 2001


Here's 6 bucks she's not getting back. This one wasn't even opened.

Expired Dec 08.
I settled on taking this:

Because at the very least, I thought it wouldn't kill me, and might still have some effective properties left in it.

Josh, if I don't see you again, it's because your mom is trying to kill me. And she doesn't even know it.


Corie said...

"Pat the Bunny", I would kick her out of your house right away! :)

Jennifer said...

You crack me up Erin! I love reading your blog :) I think your MIL and my parents would get along well... And yes, I "clean out" their medicine cabinet too. I do believe my dad manages to pull some of it back out of the trash though!

And I'm a bit shocked that you haven't read "Pat the Bunny"... Really? Do you call your MIL Pat the Bunny to her face? So funny!! ;)

js said...

1) "Pat" in the book is a verb.

2) My parents still have medicine that expired in the 1960s. I am not lying. And they used it on us when we were growing up. If you doubt me, swing by Chelsea if you have nothing better to do and ask to see what's in the bathroom cabinet. I would be shocked if it has finally been tossed.

Rachel said...

I do the great medicine toss everytime we move. Then I'm ticked six months later when I get a cold and can't scrounge up a Sudafed. Grrrr. I'd settle for a six year outdated pill then drag myself to the store when I'm dying. However, I think I'd pass on a box that looked mauled by sewer rats.

Pat the Bunny is hillarious!

Jen McD said...

I am so glad we move every three years or so.... you wouldn't believe what I tossed on this last TMO visit.

I hope you feel better soon! If you have another baby, I know the exact baby gift to give you. You've never read it? My favorite part was scratching Daddy's beard.... get to reading!

Langford Family said...

Friend, I miss you already and hearing your travel stories via your blog is a distant 2nd to chatting with you everyday at the gym. But they are GREAT stories! And BTW, Jack unsuccessfully tried to Trick-or-Treat "Der-dick's House". Luckily, bribery of more candy at other houses prevented a full-on meltdown 10 minutes into Halloween.

Joshua said...

My darling, I love you. This post made my day...as I sit on my plywood bed at 5am, unable to sleep from jetlag (is i supposed to last a week?). Only you can capture the caricature that is my mother.

The Lumberjack's Wife said...

Oh, that is hilarious! My parents also have a ridiculous amount of drugs. Perhaps I should help them weed through them.