Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Bad Girlz of the Norwegian Sky

I'm back.

Did you know I was gone?

I was.

I spent a glorious long weekend at sea, cruising the Bahamas.
Josh is now officially husband of the year for sending me off on the trip while he kept the home fires burning.
I would have rushed right to my computer when I got home last night to tell you all about it, but I needed to spend some time appreciating my wonderful husband.

And I was appreciative.
Very appreciative.

*wink, wink*

(Taylor, my dad just read that.)

And now I shall make all of you who were in the cold wintry weather relive the cruise with me!

I'm sorry, but I must do it.
Inquiring minds want to know, and I cannot hold back any detail, no matter how minute or uninteresting.

For your sanity, and because I have a short attention span, CruiseReview 2011 will take place in installments.

In this episode: We get out-tipped by a kid on a missions trip, establish ourselves as the Bad Girlz of the Norwegian Sky, and get kicked out of the teen zone.
Exciting, no?

Let's Begin!

Despite my fears that all of the bad weather across the country would interfere with our flights, my friend Heather and I met at the Miami airport just as scheduled.

This is Heather:

And so is this:

There are definite perks to being the one who brings the camera on the trip.
*evil cackle*

We met many moons ago when we were all stationed together in Texas. Our first ever cruise was with Heather & Scott. We didn't have children yet (read: we napped a lot), and we convinced them to leave their sweet baby behind and cruise the Caribbean with us.

Fast forward 8 years, and here we are (looking just a touch older and with more chins) waiting for our complementary shuttle to our hotel.

Note to self: Whatever motion I used to pull my head back in this photo must never, NEVER, be repeated again. I seriously have 5 chins in this picture.
And this was taken before the food-laden cruise.

We called from the courtesy phone in the airport, as instructed. They told us to meet them outside and they would be about 20 minutes.
We took the chiny-chin-chin (plus 2 additional chins) picture after waiting about 10 minutes. 
30 minutes later we called the hotel again.
They told us to wait outside and they would be there in 20 minutes.
This wasn't going well.

We finally got picked up by the shuttle.
It was just us and one other guy, probably college-age, who walked up right as the shuttle arrived.
No doubt he was thinking that was quick service.

He was heading to Haiti on a church trip to help provide clean water supplies for the Haitian people.
We were headed to a never-ending buffet while we sang "Welcome to Miami" over and over.

He tipped several dollars.

We tipped one.
Because we waited an hour.

And if mission trip boy hadn't tipped, I wouldn't have even tipped the dollar.
Did I mention they forgot to pick us up?

Final result: Boy going on missions trip was generous, 2 women going on a cruise were not.

We spent the night at a hotel that would have been frightening had we been staying alone, and took the shuttle to the cruise port the next morning.

Being the prudent travelers that we were, neither of us was traveling with passports. But that's okay! All you need is your original birth certificate and government ID.
Enter Heather:

First, she had the nerve to have been born in Germany. Secondly, the document that she did have to prove that she is an American born abroad did not have a raised seal on it.
So we stand nervously at the check-in desk as the lady helping us told us she would "Be right back, I need to get clearance for this."

Tick-tock. Ten minutes pass.
We start to make alternate plans to stay as hobos on South Beach.

Lady returns, and says she convinced the powers that be to allow Heather to enter the ship.

You really can't take that girl anywhere. She causes trouble.

We embarked! Hooray!

Picture opportunity:

It was lunchtime, so we made our way to a restaurant for a nice meal. Then we changed into our swimsuits and headed to the deck to lounge for a bit.
But on the way we passed a buffet, and the fresh fruit looked too tempting.
So we stopped and ate again.

Then we headed to the deck.
But on the way, we passed an ice cream machine.

You get the point.

We found a couple of chairs at the very front of the ship and got comfy with some magazines and a newspaper.
And sun.
Warm, glorious sun.
It was so warm and glorious that we didn't really pay any attention to all of the announcements about the mandatory muster drill.
I've cruised twice before, and I must say that the mandatory muster drill is the only part of a cruise that is not pleasant. You don life-jackets and pack into a small area like so many stinky sardines. People have already been drinking and they follow directions poorly. It takes too long. It's a bummer. I figure if the ship is really going down, I'll manage to find a life boat just fine.

So Heather convinced me to stay where we were until they came and forced us to join the ranks.
They never did.

Bad girls, bad girls. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

We skipped the muster drill.
And lived to tell about it.

Consequently, we were still in the best seats in the house for our departure from the port, perusing the paper.

Could we have picked a better time to be in Miami than this past weekend?

And can I also say that we were totally blessed to have made it to Miami?

Amen and Hallelujah.

When the sun began to dip, we did a little more exploring before Dinner, Part One.
We found all of the important parts of the ship.

Like the Pulperbooster Pump Room.

And a nice little area with a foosball table.

There was no one in it, except one ship employee.
We went in and thought we would play a game.

He kicked us out.

As luck would have it, we had found the teen zone.
And apparently we no longer look like teenagers.

Um, hello?
Had they not heard that we were the rebels who skipped the muster drill?
Doth not our reputation for living on the edge proceed us?

Nevertheless we were denied entry. So we fed our sorrow with the outdoor sail-away barbecue.

It was better than foosball anyway.

That brings us to the conclusion of CruiseReview 2011, part one.
Coming up in the next episode: Two Women in Flip-Flops walk way too far, and pay for it the rest of their cruise. And beyond.


Heather and Scott said...

:) At least you got the eyeshadow that I put on...I can see it! I must go teach my children now...you know, it's the law or something.

Heather and Scott said...

p.s. I still have that dress I wore on the last cruise - that would be the one I wore to the Christmas party this year, remember that conversation? I really don't think we left anything undiscussed this weekend.

Brigitte said...

Remedy for mutiple chin photos - "The Turtle". I can't remember the origin of this necessary component of our family photo sessions, but it really works! This is how you do it - before a picture is snapped yell(or think) turtle. This is a clue for everyone to protrude their chins out like a turtle extending his head out of his shell. Not exaggerated but every so slightly and then there you have it - single chin shots, guaranteed!

Go ahead and practice taking pictures of yourself trying it out and then post them for us to see - you could do a turtle tutorial - LOL! And please feel free to take all the credit - I insist - LOL!

You are so funny - thanks for always making me chuckle!!!

Proverbs 31 Wannabe said...

I'm glad you're back! I need to laugh and I have missed your blog. So far it looks like a fun trip.

Taylor said...

I was aghast at your intro. Aghast.
Glad you are back! Don't worry. You are rocking the five chins.
Also-and since my dad does not know of your blog-David and I missed our safety-cruise-boat-life-saving-lecture because we were busy appreciating each other in our room.
And guess what! You missed it! But I lowered my cholesterol 90 points!
I know you are excited.

Jennifer said...

Well, I never knew that Heather was so much trouble. My guess was that she was going to supervise you ;) (Now I know the truth!) So glad you are back!! Can't wait to relive the cruise through your blog -- and wish that I had been invited too! Ha ha ha ha!! ;)

Heather and Scott said...

I'm also loving that you posted TWO pictures of the USA Today that you relentlessly made fun of me for picking up. Of course, you relentlessly make fun of me for everything. And it makes me laugh :)

Erin said...

I'm trying to figure out how you get to go on a cruise with no husband & no kids while my pre-deployment treat is a weekend home with kids and no husband and no running water.

Anonymous said...

Yea! Can't wait to hear about the rest!

Jen mcd

Joyce said...

Glad they let you sail...the sun part sounds fabulous!
And take heart...it's just the angle of the camera giving you the double chin. Mine is also there in real life.

ps-I'm hopping over to tell Taylor that appreciating her husband counts as exercise.

Christina said...

Love your recap! I bet you two laughed a lot...and there is nothing that can beat that!
The picture in the paper of the country's weather made me laugh! Goodness! Christian missed four days of school last week and we live in Dallas! Crazy weather.
Can't wait for the rest of your story!

The Main Family said...

Yay! Yay! Wheeee! Tell more, I'm living vicariously through you!!!

Rudd Family Circus said...

Glad you were able to go & have so much fun !! Looking forward to reading the continuing saga !!

Heather and Scott said...

So I was re-living this with Scott tonight and I was reminded of two things...

1) The man-on-the-mission pratically sat in my lap when he got in the 12-passenger van. And you elbowed me while he asked us "Where are you girls headed?"...Um..."Miami?"

2) You smartly asked the courtesy hotel van driver if she was the driver for the port in the morning before giving her the $1 tip. So smart you are.