***

***

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Names

When Josh and I were engaged, I spent some time more time than I like to admit writing out my new name.
Doodling, if you will, while I was supposed to be learning about pharmacology and holistic care approaches.

Erin Schore

I liked it.
First of all, I was a Smith, and I think my name was stifling my creativity.
Plus, it was a small step up in the alphabet food chain.
Emphasis on small.

Once I was married and used to my new name, I moved on to naming our future children. (Which, incidentally, I had actually been doing since junior high school.)

I watched A Walk to Remember and fell in love with the name Landon for a boy.
Yes, I like teeny-bopper movies.
Yes, it's the one with Mandy Moore.
Yes, I have a song from the soundtrack on my iPod list.
No, I am not ashamed.
Much.

So the future was determined, I was going to have a son named Landon.

Then I was talking with my friend Heather, who had recently had a baby girl, and also liked the same movie.
She said that she had liked Landon too, but couldn't get past the fact that when paired with their last name, Campbell, it sounded too much like a local restaurant called "Land & Cattle."

We chuckled, and I boasted that the name was mine all mine!
Because there was nothing wrong with Landon Schore!

Then she looked at me kind of funny, and my dream died.

Landon Schore. Land on shore. Land & Shore.

Fast forward a little over 4 years later, and I'm in the hospital with my newborn son. He spent his first night nameless.

I never got over the loss of Landon.

Good thing he was so sweet. It helped ease the pain.




Friday, January 29, 2010

LOL

Most of you probably know the internet lingo "LOL" which means "laugh out loud."

I personally find that it's being grossly overused these days.

When was the last time you actually laughed out loud when your waitress brought you the wrong meal? Or when your lost keys were in the last place you looked for them?
Yet I've seen people post those very same statuses with "LOL" right after them.
If those things happened to me, I'd be happy if I didn't "CUB" instead. (Curse Under my Breath)

But who am I to judge?

I mean, if I were the judge, of course I would regulate it's overuse. And while I was on the job, I'd also ban people on Facebook from posting status updates like this:

MaryJane "doesn't have anything new to report, just another day."

Hmmm.
Then why exactly did you write anything at all? Don't you know that I attempt to keep my Facebooking to a minimum and would like to quickly scan the newsfeed for something interesting?

You found out the gender of your baby? yes! Post it!
You're moving? Fill us in!
An urgent need for prayer? I'm all ears!

Not so important:
What you're eating for lunch, that you have a headache, your dog is being groomed, you're bored, and any post that vaguely alludes to something that you obviously aren't inclined to share the details about.

Keep it to yourselves folks!

Pardon me, apparently I forgot that I'm really not the judge.
Please, carry on.

That was quite the tangent anyway. What I intended to post about was my husband and his endearing quality of Laughing out Loud.

When we watch something funny, I often find myself not watching the show, but watching him instead.
Josh loves a good laugh. He loves physical comedy-- you know, like when people fall down and hurt themselves.
Which means he's a big fan of cheesy movies like Stepbrothers, Dodgeball, etc. Sometimes he'll pull up YouTube and literally search for "people hurting themselves."
He'll get online and watch clips from Saturday Night Live.
And he'll LOL.
I caught him in the act yesterday.
Maybe it's because he's my husband and I love him, but when I watch this, it makes me laugh out loud.


video

So LOL with me in my husband's honor, and if you're so inclined, feel free to rant in the comments about your least favorite internet faux pas.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Memory

I may have mentioned a time or 10 that my memory is not what it should be.
Then again, I may not have. I can't remember.

But if I haven't, allow me to say that it is true.

Take Sunday for instance. Getting out the door to church on time is always a bit of a challenge, as either Josh or I try to take advantage of sleeping in a little, and we go to the 9:15am service. We were doing okay this week, until Josh went to load the kids in the car and realized that there were no car seats in it.

Oops. I had taken them out the day before for the girls' ski trip. Forgot to put them back in. We were no longer on time for church.

Then 30 seconds down the road we realized that we did not have Derek's diaper bag.
We moved past being not on time to officially being late.

My husband is never late, except when he is accompanied by yours truly.

Then of course, there was the forgotten snack incident for Alex's preschool on Tuesday. Don't tell her, but the snack girl also gets to do show & tell. I ruined it. And she had been planning on taking in her favorite kitty-cat.
Again.
Actually her classmates might thank me for that.

Today, as we were driving home from running some errands, it dawned on me that I was supposed to call our auto insurance when we got home from Michigan to re-instate full coverage for the vehicles. (We got a discount for "stored vehicles" while we were away from home.)
To be honest, I feel lucky that I remembered at all-- and happy that it didn't take an accident to remind me.

I was trying to defend my ineptitude to my husband as we carried grocery bags in the house. I didn't get very far, because before I could finish my thought, I emptied my pockets and out fell the coupons I'd forgotten to use at the store.

I'm a mess.

Anyone out there have the secret for pulling it all together?
I've already tried reality TV, internet consumption, and sleeping a lot. I can verify they don't work.

Whatever you do, don't tell me that the absence of those things is the answer, because I've got a DVR full of Idol, Bachelor, and Biggest Loser that's calling my name.
And I plan to answer.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Playing Hooky

Josh has one more day off before the real world starts again, so we've been trying to squeeze in as much family time as we can.
Today we took Alex out of school and headed up the mountain, again.

It was a foggy ride.



* 3 of the many chips in our windshield thanks to Mountain Home, ID. The town slogan should be:

"Come live in Mountain Home. Despite our name, we're a bit of a drive from actual mountains. And hope you have a low deductible on your windshield replacement, we like to lay gravel instead of salt."

But we pulled out of the fog and the mountain top was beautiful.



Today was the first time we've taken the kids skiing, and a good time was had by all.
My first baby on skis!


 

She did a great job, especially since she's pretty timid when it comes to new things. No tears at all today. She wanted to go fast.

And who said you can't ski when you're still incontinent?
Derek proves otherwise.


Coming down the hill with mommy



Though most of the day, Derek spent just looking cool for the ladies.





 Me & Alex on the ski lift

Coming down the hill

 
 

And now, after 2 days in a row of skiing, I need a massage. Or a soak in my tub. Or a good night's sleep.
Probably all three.

Yes, definitely all three.
I'm off to see what I can do about those needs.


Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Sorry to be so late posting the winner of the scratching contest.
I'll be back soon to show you what kept us so busy today.

Thanks to everyone who has helped my iPod! I've been listening to all of your suggestions on Grooveshark and they've even helped spark my failing memory into remembering some of my favorites as well.

Congrats to Pam!
The Random Number Generator chose your entry.

Send me an e-mail with your address and I will send you the hat tomorrow this week the next time I find myself at the post office. Hopefully while you still have a little girl small enough to wear it.

For the rest of you, I'm sorry, but you'll probably never win anything on the internet. I mean if you can't win with these odds, then the force just isn't with you.

But you can always buy a cute hat! I get them from Stella B's shop on Etsy. Here is her facebook page. I think her shop is still recuperating from Christmas, but check back with her soon if you're in the market for cute kid's accessories.

Oh, and for those kind folks who said that if they won, they would give their hat to my niece because of my sister's pathetic comment about her poor hatless kid, don't feel bad. I do believe I have one tucked away for an upcoming birthday.

Everybody clap for Pam!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A few things

1) Josh and I did indeed go skiing today. Here is my husband on a ski lift:



And my husband with some dude on a ski lift:





We had a great time. I did my best not to worry about Derek, and he did just fine at the drop in center. Even though he always comes home in a diaper that I did not send in. And it makes me wonder if he also ate some food that did not belong to him.
But he's always been fine, so I guess I'll just appreciate the free diapers.

2) Speaking of Derek, the boy needs a haircut



and the girl needs a new stylist


3) I don't know why this tickled me so much when I saw it in the store, but it did. Alex had it in her lunch box today. When I was packing it up, I kept saying "Oh Foodles!"



(My apologies to those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. You must not watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.)

4) Josh brought this little gem of a toy back from Korea:



It's a pig.
But it's a special pig.
If you drop it onto the ground, it splats like an egg and then pulls itself back together within a fraction of a second.

Took me a few tries to get a picture.



 

It's the little things people.

5) Remember that list I had to do before going skiing? Well it turns out it was missing something.
"Remember that Alex is the snack girl at school" fell right off that list, and now I'm officially out of the running for mother of the year. Again.

That is all.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Birth Control

Josh and I are going skiing tomorrow.

Here is the list of things necessary to accomplish before we go:

Today:
-Drive to base, rent ski equipment
-Call drop-in center and reserve spot for Derek
-Sign Alex up for extended-day at her school
-Ask friend to pick Alex up when extended day ends
-Ask another friend to be our back-up just in case unforeseeable circumstances prevent us from getting Derek before the drop-in center closes
 - Pack food for Derek for all day tomorrow
 - Pack a lunch for Alex

Tomorrow morning:
-Drive Derek to drop-in center
 -Scare the workers into remembering Derek's allergies. Specifically, mention the words: Milk, Peanuts, Eggs, and Death
- Explain again (mostly for my benefit) how to use the benadryl and epi-pen in case of emergency
- Remember to bring a blankie and Ellie the Blue Elephant
- Take Alex to school
- Uninstall her car seat and leave it at the school for my friend who's picking her up.
- Drive to mountain/worry about leaving Derek
-Ski/worry that Derek is sad and needs me
-Drive home/worry that Derek was fed something he shouldn't be
- Pick up Derek/ wonder why I spent the day worrying
- Pick up Alex
- Arrive home. Deep sigh.

Ladies and Gentlemen without young children:
Go skiing now.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Let's Scratch Each Other

I have an iPod.
It has 19 songs on it.
I like about 3 of those 19 songs.

I have some sort of mental block when it comes to acquiring songs. I like a lot of music, I just can't remember the names of songs that I like.

 I can't tell you how many times I've been watching a movie or driving in the car and hear a song I like. I make a mental note to jot it down so I can remember to get it for my iPod.

And then I forget.

My memory is a fickle thing.

Things that I remember:
- the phone number of the house I lived in when I was in preschool
- my father's social security number
- the pledge of allegiance, in Spanish
- lyrics to 90's rap songs

Things I cannot remember:
- pretty much everything else


So I thought that maybe you could help me. Leave me a comment with a song you love, one that you like to turn up the volume and sing along to.

And I will randomly select one of you and send you this:


 You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours ;)

I ordered one too many of these sweet girls' hats off of Etsy. They're super cute and well made. Alex loves them, and always gets complements when she wears hers.
If you don't have a little girl, they make a nice gift!

So just leave me a song and you'll be entered to win.
Let's face it people, my comments section isn't exactly bursting at the seams, so your chances of winning something online have never been better.

I'll choose a winner on Wednesday, so get me some good music!

Oh, and you don't have to have a log-in to leave a comment, just leave it under anonymous-- but sign your name so I know who you are.

Thanks!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Me Day, Ski Day

Each time that Josh returns from a long trip, I look forward to my "me" day. It's a day that he gets to spend on his own with the kids, reconnecting and enjoying time with them, and I get to spend, well, by myself. 

In the past I've gotten a massage and gone shopping.
Today, I spent my "me" day hitting the slopes with some girlfriends!

Between the four of us, we had left behind a four year old, 2 three year olds, 2 two year olds, a 1 year old, and 2 less-than-one year olds.
Whew. We've had some busy uteruses. Or is it uteri?
However you say it, we were all excited to be sans children for the day.

Our fun was not at all  hampered by these facts:

1) I look like a man when I go skiing.
(No, I do not have any photographic evidence. This is not by accident.)
I don't get to ski all that often, so I haven't invested in any ski apparel. Instead, I bundle up in the warmest stuff in our closet, which happens to mostly belong to my husband.
I definitely got some questioning looks in the ladies room as to whether I belonged in there.


2) Visibility on the mountain today was a bit lacking.



There were a few runs where I couldn't see where the trail led next. Luckily, I managed to avoid heading down any slopes that were out of my league, which are most of them.

I took this picture from the lift of a group of small children going down a hill that I was too afraid to try.


Little jerks. Where do they get off trying to make me feel incompetent?

3) I only ended up on my back and unable to right myself one time. Unfortunately it was in the middle of a small trail. My three friends were all trying to help me up. I looked like a stud...I mean what guy wouldn't want three girls helping him ski?

Josh did a great job as Mister Mom. Not only were the kids alive and well when I got home, but he folded the laundry and all of the dirty dishes had been put away too.
"Me" day= success.

Happy Weekend to You!

Friday, January 22, 2010

A Date

It's Friday afternoon, and I'm sitting at home.
My newly-returned husband is in Boise having lunch and seeing a movie with another girl.
Seems a touch unfair, don't you think?

But I'm not jealous. I trust this girl's intentions are good.

(Even if she is beautiful. And has a perfect complexion. And not even one extra pound on her frame.)

I'll bet he's helping her with her coat and opening the doors.
He's picking up the tab.
I can picture them holding hands and sharing treats.

And she's lucky. Because she is the only other girl I'll share him with.
And I'm happy that he has two girls who love him so much.
Me.





And her.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Two Peas in a Pod

My husband and I are very different.
In some aspects, I'd even go so far as to say polar opposites.

For instance, yesterday he arrived home from an almost 3-month deployment. He had only slept about 3 hours on the plane, and his jet-lagged body thought it was the middle of the night.

We got home around 10:30am.
By 1:30pm, all of his bags were unpacked. The suitcases were put away. The DVD's were reorganized back into their cases. His cell phone was charging.

Seriously?
It took me 10 days to finish all of my unpacking, and I probably only got it done because I knew Josh was coming home and would laugh at me if it weren't done. Or maybe because I had run out of underwear and didn't feel like doing laundry.

Also, Josh does 8 minute abs every day. Has for a while. Apparantly he doesn't need a resolution like I do.

Yesterday and today were the first days since I've started that my ab workout was not done after 10pm.
In typical fashion, I would put it off and then remember right before I went to bed that I still needed to do my 8 minutes.
Not Josh.

His attitude: Why put off what you can get done now?
My attitude: Why do now what you can put off till later?

Two peas in a pod I tell you.

In other news, this is the face of a fever:



Poor baby. He was burning up and the Motrin hadn't brought his fever down much. The purple popsicle helped.

Took him in to the doctor this afternoon and confirmed my suspicion that he has an ear infection.

Meanwhile, my ability to make out is being severely crippled by my whole stuffy, sore-throated, face-pounding existence.

Dang.

Because if there's one way that my husband and I are not different, it's that we'd both like to be making out right now.

It's the tie that binds.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Today

 "Alright mom. You woke me up, you dragged me here. It's cold. I've got my flag, now where exactly is my Daddy?"



Things I did not say to my son in reply:
I woke you up?
Kind of like the way you woke me up at 1am, 1:30, 1:45, 2:00, and 6:30? Like that?

Guess I was wrong to assume that his fever was gone for good.

He didn't seem to care when I told him in the night that I had hoped for a good rest so I could be looking my best the next day.
Nothing says hot wife like red, puffy eyes.

So you probably guessed that today was our big day!!
Despite the long night, we made it on time for Josh's arrival at 8ish this morning.
The squadron returned in a chartered plane. It seemed like forever after they landed before the doors opened and they started to file out.



In reality, it was probably about an hour.
But an hour feels like forever when the kids know that Daddy's on that plane. Here they are waiting...


I'd say that they were waiting patiently, but I try not to lie.

They finally let us out of the hanger and onto the flight line. It was freezing! Typically windy and the ground was icy as well. The pilots were all in the back of the plane, and the last to get off.





Finally it was our turn :)



Hang on a second, let me break that last one down for you.

Point A- I did not realize at the time that there was a cameraman right over our shoulders as we were smooching.  If I had known, I'd have put on a better show.

Point B- My husband has ridiculously small hands.

Point C- He came in for a kiss before I could tell him that I've had a sore throat since last night. Welcome home Josh! You have a sick kid and a sick wife. Boo.





But sick or not, it feels really good to be together again. All is well.



We're thankful for God's faithfulness in seeing us through another deployment.
Thanks to all of our family and friends for your thoughts and prayers!

ps- and thanks to Chester for staying behind in Korea!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Soon and Very Soon

Today I skipped my gym time in deference to other mothers who might not want to wipe their child's nose every 10 minutes, all day long.

Derek is a snot factory, but the good news is that his fever hasn't returned.

I spent the day doing laundry, washing sheets, making beds, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning toilets and sinks, and wiping my son's nose.
(He doesn't know how to blow. He sucks it in instead. No one ever said he was Harvard material.)

You may think I'm just incredibly domestic (unless you know me), but the truth is I was caught up in a strange form of nesting.
Just as many pregnant women clean everything in sight as their due date draws near, I was nesting for my "baby's" arrival as well.
Only it's my baby daddy.

Click on this link only if you drove around in high school singing the song. And even then, don't click on it.

So while I can't spell out for you exactly when Josh will be arriving, I can say that when I wake up tomorrow and get in the shower, I will be shaving my legs.

Enough said.

Oh and since I know that you've been wondering totally forgotten, I wanted to let you know that it is Day 12 of the 8-Minute Ab resolution. Haven't missed a day.
Also: No 6-pack on the horizon.
I'll keep you posted.

Good Night Moon.

Monday, January 18, 2010

We're getting really close...

...to another day like this!

And I can't wait :)

Today was bittersweet. I spent the day with my friend Laura, who said goodbye to her husband as he left for the next 5 months.
While I am days away from our reunion, she is just beginning the long journey to hers. It's hard to watch someone go through it for the first time, and remember how emotionally draining that day is.
You watch them pack, you share a bed one last night, you drop them off. And then you sniffle (or sob) your way home while the little ones in the backseat wonder what got into their mama.

So we decided to take a little excursion to Boise today to keep her mind off of saying goodbye. We had a 4, 3, 2, and 1 year old in what could only be described as a Britax car seat show.

We had four different models represented, and managed somehow to squeeze 2 double strollers in the back of the van as well. Phew! Getting those kids in and out was a mini workout in itself. Which justified the smoothie I drank, and the 44 ounce Lemon Coke that Laura's blood sugar is probably still paying the price for.

We took them to an indoor playplace called Rafiki's. It's got plenty of toys, dress-up clothes, arts & crafts, as well as a playground.
It's too bad that the rest of Boise had the same idea. It was a zoo in there since kids were out of school for the holiday. But our kids didn't mind. They had a great time.
That is until Derek, who was perfectly fine all morning long, came up, laid his head down on me, and told me he was cold.
The boy had a fever, and went from all smiles and playing to totally pathetic in the course of 5 minutes.

Great. Now I'm that mom who brought a sick kid to a playplace. I promise, he was totally fine when we left. I've never seen such a quick downturn in a kid.
I held him for the rest of our time there so he wouldn't share any more germs than he already had, and thanks to some Tylenol he perked back up.
We were able to squeeze in a few more errands before we headed out of town.
Check out my good finds from Target:


1 Christmas dress for next year, 1 long sleeved shirt, 2 sweaters, and 1 jacket. Original price total: $64, I paid $15.84.
Not bad if I do say so myself.
And obviously I do.

So now I'm just hoping that the boy is back to normal tomorrow, because we are getting really, really close to having Daddy back, and we want everyone feeling great.
Me too, because I'm fighting a little cold myself, and I need full use of my upper respiratory passages. It's not easy to make out when you can't breathe through your nose, you know.

And I plan to do a lot of that.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Diagram of a Mess

No, I'm not still talking about my bedroom. This time I'm talking about me.



I still haven't figured out how to add text to a photo.
Arrow, yes. Text, no.

Here's the breakdown:

A. Closet door. Closed intentionally.

B. Small blood stain. Acquired at church this morning when my nose started to bleed in the middle of the sermon. Looked a fool as I ran out of the service with my hand clasped over my nose.

C. Another blood stain. Did I mention that the preschoolers were taking a potty break when I ran in with my nose pouring blood? I had to answer many questions.

D. Odd smirk on my face. It's weird to take your own picture in the bathroom mirror.

E. My new earrings. The reason I was taking this picture. My mom wanted to see them.

F. Caterpillers above my eyes. They haven't been keeping in touch with my tweezers very well lately.

G. Hair. Overdue for a haircut. Also, seeing some gray hairs. How long can I ignore that?

And no, the irony is not lost on me that I drew a big "D" on my breast. Couldn't be farther from the truth.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

A How-to Guide

How to drag out your unpacking for 8 days, and counting:

Step 1- go on an extended trip with young children.
Step 2- bring back everything you took with you, plus an additional luggage set filled with new clothes and Christmas toys
Step 3- insist on not unloading the toys until you go through the toybox to clear out some old ones
Step 4- Never get around to doing that
Step 5- Decide that you don't want to unpack your clothes into your closet until you clean it out
Step 6- Tear your closet apart
Step 7- Realize that you have too many clothes and not enough hangars
Step 8- Refuse to enter your bedroom until it's so late at night that the only choice you have is to step over it and pretend it isn't there.

Questions?
It can be difficult to teach. It's an art form, really.

Anatomy Lesson


So we've been talking a little bit around here about body parts and the role they play in the potty process.
Derek peed on the bathroom floor the other day after his bath, and I think he was a little surprised to see where the pee was coming from.

"Mama, I made peepee from my penis!"

(I opted to teach them the anatomical terms, if for no other reason than it was hilarious to hear my daughter try to pronounce "vagina" when she was two.)

I assured him that it was normal that the pee would come from there. But now he's a little confused about how the poop ends up in his diaper.

Last night I overheard this conversation as we were getting ready for bedtime:

Alex: Derek I'm going to go pee on the potty. You can watch me if you want because you have to learn how.

Derek: Yesh, I watch you go potty. You go peepee from your penis?

Alex:(very seriously) No Derek. Girls don't have penises. Girls have holes in their butts. Boys have penises and girls have little holes in their butts to pee from. (So much for my anatomically correct training, eh?)

Derek: You have hole in your butt?

Alex: Yes, but not the same hole that makes poop. You have one of those too.

Derek: No, I make poopoo with my penis.

Alex: No you don't. You make poopoo from a hole in your butt.

Derek: No. I make poopoo from my PENIS.

Alex: No Derek, you're wrong.

Derek: I MAKE POOPOO FROM MY PENIS!


I stepped in at that point, and did my best to explain it. Still, I thought Alex's first attempt at giving an anatomy lesson wasn't too shabby.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

I will say that what he lacks in body function knowledge, he makes up for by being just the sweetest little companion in the mornings when sissy is at preschool.



He plays so well on his own, but will cuddle up with me whenever I sit down.



Love this boy!


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Fighter Pilot's Wives

When you're married to a fighter pilot, there are a few things that you have to come to terms with in order to keep your relationship healthy.

You must accept that a 12-hour duty day is typical, that he will be away from home for weeks or months on end, and that his job carries a certain amount of risk.
We accept these things because we know that what they're doing is important, or because flying is their passion, or both.

For me, it's simple:
I put up with all that crap because my husband looks really hot in a flight suit.
(The same cannot be said about me.)

Move over Jake Pavelka, you've got nothing on my man.

But even though I understand that being away is part of his job, it's still a tough thing.
I miss my husband and I miss my parenting partner.
Sometimes it's the little things that get to you-- the lawnwork he usually does or having to give all of the baths.
Sometimes it's the big things, like missed birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmases.

But he does look really, really good in a flight suit.

One of the things that helps a lot of spouses during a deployment is to have some sort of personal goal that you want to achieve while you're on your own.

Last February, Josh's job took him away for 5 weeks. I tried to keep my goal simple for that trip:
I wanted to clean out my closet.
Unfortunately, due to a deadly TV combination of The Bachelor, The Biggest Loser, and American Idol, I only spent a grand total of 14 hours minutes working in my closet.
So that project got pushed back until his next trip.

And now I find myself with only days to spare before he returns (yea!) and my closet is not exactly in order.
I just spent an hour and a half in there, sorting piles to toss and to give away.
I came across an Ann Taylor jacket that I hadn't seen in a looooong time. I love the color, and thought that I'd try it on to see if it was something I wanted to keep.

It had shoulder pads.

Does this tell you how badly I needed to sort through my clothes? (No, I did not keep it.)

Good news: I have plenty to do to keep my evenings filled until Josh returns home.
Bad news: My bedroom looks like it got hit by a tornado.

Good news: My handsome husband and all of his flight suits will be back very soon.
Bad news: An unfortunate intersection on the calendar of his arrival and the arrival of a monthly visitor of mine will take away one of the better aspects of a re-deployment.

Because if the flight suit is reason number one that I accept the life I have, then reason number two is the homecoming sex.

Did I just cross the line?
Sorry, I'm always doing that.

Sometimes I'm really glad that my grandparents don't know what the internet is.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Potty Training

No, I'm not starting yet. But I have a couple of friends who are in the midst of that painful process, and so I'm starting to think about it.

This is my plan:

I will think about potty training for about 2 more months.
Then I will tell Derek to start thinking about potty training.
A month after that, I will ask Josh if he can take a week's vacation, and while he's home, would he please potty train his son.

Sounds about right to me.

Actually I'm writing this post because it has come to my attention that there are some handy little gadgets out there that I wasn't previously aware of, and I thought some of you might have need of them.

First is the Potty Watch.
Have you heard of this?
It's a little watch shaped like a potty that the trainee wears. You set it to go off at whatever interval you choose, and it plays a little tune to tell the child that it's time to go potty.

It gives the kid more control, and we all know that 2 year old's want all the control they can get. And it's convenient for other people who might be watching your child.
(Thanks for the idea, Laura!)

And then there's the Wee-man



It's a urinal that hangs down from the regular potty to help tiny tots who want to stand up like Daddy. It flips over to drain into the big potty, and you leave it in there when you flush and that rinses it out.

Veeedy Eeenteresting.

At least, more interesting and potentially useful than some of the other baby products out there.
Like the Daddle:

Nothing says "I'm the man of the house" like being saddled up and ridden by your children. Horsey rides are fun, sure, but do they need to be this formal?


Or how about the Zaky pillow? These creepy severed hands sleep with your baby to make them feel comfortable. Or maybe terrified.

"Mommy! Where's the rest of you? And why are you discolored?"

Or this. Someone acutally marketed a bucket as a bath. If you'd like to bathe your kid in a bucket, just find one and do it. You probably don't need this Norwegian death trap. And how exactly do you wash them when you're busy holding the kids head above water?



I really don't know where I'm going with this post, but I do know that I have oodles of things I should be doing, and so I'm off!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The 'Stache




Dear Chester the Molester-stache,
Please remove yourself from my handsome husband's face before he returns to the United States. I would appreciate it, and so would his children.
But don't take my word for it, hear it straight from the source:

Derek doesn't want mustache kisses...


video


(and to be honest, neither do I)

Monday, January 11, 2010

Overwhelmed

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.
When contemplating my arrival home, I had an image of me breezing through the door, getting the house in order, and spending lazy evenings in my garden tub with a good book.

*Ring, Ring*
Erin Schore, Reality is calling, would you please pick up?

Somehow I forgot that the real world might interrupt my plans for a quick and easy move home. Things like preschool, gym time, oil changes, laundry, checkbook balancing, contemplating Simon Cowell's retreat from Idol, and life in general.

This afternoon, I found that I had so much to do that I wasn't sure where to start. So I did the only logical thing-- I took my vacuum apart and cleaned the filters.
Obviously a very important step, because you see, one day soon I might have all of the crap off of the floor and will need a finely tuned vacuum to sweep up when I'm done. Makes perfect sense.

You can safely walk through the hallway now if you stay to the left, and the kids' clothes are all put away.
My bedroom carpet, however, is barely visible thanks to the piles of my clothes that are all over the place. The suitcase full of Christmas toys hasn't been unloaded yet, because I haven't found the time to go through the toybox and clear some room for the new ones.
My loyal minivan, which started right up for me, is sounding alarms that an oil change is necessary. Like yesterday.
My fridge is still bare, and I need to make an extensive grocery list before going to bed tonight.
I resorted to some drive-thru's for dinner. Subway for me with lots of extra onions, since I have no hubby here to offend. And McDonald's for the kids.
Here is Derek eating his double hamburger. He eats only the patties, no bun.


I actually didn't know that they had a double hamburger on the menu, but I saw McDouble on there today and I asked if that was perchance a double hamburger.
I was informed that no, a McDouble is a double cheesburger with only one slice of cheese.
So I asked if I could have a McDouble with no cheese.
There was an awkward pause before the server said "Um, would you like to just order a double hamburger?"
Well yes. Yes I would. And if I had known that was a possibility I would have started there.
Next time I think I'll order a double cheesburger, hold the cheese.
Or maybe I'll cut straight to the point-- "I'd like 2 plain hamburger patties, no bun."
Just toss me some meat, dang it. My kid's weird and allergic to cheese.

No wonder I can't remember anything anymore, in addition to the oodles of 90's rap music that remains trapped in my brain, is a list of all the fast food menu items that don't contain milk, eggs, or peanuts.
Did you know that if you are allergic to those things, that Burger King fries are fine, but McD's fries are a no-no? Or that BK chicken fries are okay, but no nuggets from any of the chains.
The list goes on, but I will spare you all the details.

Don't say you never learned anything here.

So I guess I should go tackle a few more things from the 'ol to-do list.
Or I could write an even better, more extensive list.
Have I mentioned before that I really enjoy list making? I'm just not good at the carrying out of list activities.
But oh, how I love to cross things off of my list. As a matter of fact, sometimes I add things to my daily list that I have already completed, just so I can cross it off.
It makes me feel good inside.

Do you think that's okay, or should I consider counseling?

Don't answer that. 

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I take it back.

Was it just yesterday that I said it was good to be home? Because I'd like to take that back now.

My hallway looks like this:


And there are still 2 more suitcases to unload.

My refrigerator looks like this:


There are 2 categories of food in there: condiment or expired.
Well, maybe there is a third category: expired condiment

After church I was able to swing by the store for a few essentials until I make the big trip to get groceries. I got milk, bread, and potatoes.
Yes, potatoes. I can't pass up a good deal. And this 10lb bag of potatoes...


...was 99 cents. I'm definitely back in Idaho!

I also now realize that many of my packing woes were due to my aforementioned inability to pass up a good deal. My suitcase was full of purchases that weren't exactly necessary.
Like these boots for Alex.


I saw them on clearance at Marshall's and thought they were adorable. So I got them, despite the fact that they are a full 3 sizes too big for her. She will love them when she's 8!

Oh, and these Nine West heels for me.


When I bought them I thought they were charcoal gray.
Didn't realize until I took this picture that they are decidedly olive green in good light.
So I will wear them only on cloudy days. And if you happen to see me wearing them, please complement me on my lovely gray heels. Thank you.

Now I shall go and remove my monkeys from the bathtub, where they seem to be displacing water outside of the tub at an alarming rate. Then I shall snuggle up in my bed with the season premier of The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.
A perfectly cheesy title for a perfectly cheesy show.

Happy Sunday night!